Life in the Cheese Drawer

charlie stopped by last weekend and we went to austin so he could visit with our relatives before he goes out to portland. ooohh boy. for the most part, we avoided poli-religious talk, chatting about how aunt wants a jaguar, daylight saving time, and the drought, etc, but there were some doozies.
to recap:
1. country’s going to pot. next thing you know, we’ll go from a republic to socialism. at which point i wanted to yell, “JESUS WAS A SOCIALIST” but didn’t think that would go over well.
2. reason for all the immorality in the world: abortion. if we can’t even respect life in the womb, how can we respect life elsewhere? i wanted to yell “HOW ABOUT FREE WILL???”
3. people rely on the government too much. why should i pay for your stuff on my dollar? why do you get a fancy phone and a welfare check? get off your sweet little backside and get a job. at which point i wanted yell “OMG — YOUR IMMEDIATE FAMILY WAS ON WELFARE BACK IN ’92!!!” (really, i felt insulted for our parents.)
 
a note on family dynamics: uncle only interjects in these conversations when he’s really riled up over something, usually politically that’s just happened so it’s fresh. cousin 1 doesn’t really bring up poli-religious conversations at all. she’ll tsk tsk at things that are said and if she’s praying, she’ll invite you to join, but that’s it as far as i’ve notice. aunt will deliver pieces of “information” (from faux news) in a pretty deadpan, deliberate way. cousin 2, however, will bring up these convos, and on top of it, she gets REALLY into them. i feel like i can slightly disagree with aunt in a vague way, but ANY disagreement with cousin 2 would be attacked.
in other news, i’m meeting these people for supper tomorrow. here’s hoping that we can avoid stuff like this.

my view outside my window. not for long, i hope.
cats are not allowed on the new carpet. a cat is. so sophie and ralph are locked up in the bathroom. until thursday! poor kitties. i already got a phone call because nate was misinformed on the rules and uncle tattled on him and couldnt tell nate himself. seriously. what are we, 5? nate also said uncle was a huge micromanager with the rug men. sigh. ready to be out.

today i learned that my aunt is boycotting a restaurant in town because a server or owner someone associated with the restaurant had an abortion because the child would be severely handicapped. o.O

i try to be lightly contradictory with me aunt. just enough contradiction in the form of a question or statement i know is true to let her know i’m not swallowing her dogma whole.
tonight it was teh gays. they went to see a lawyer speak last night on the amendment. same old blah blah blah.
aunt: it will open up a whole can of worms. if it’s legal, they’ll start making the church marry them.
me: i was under the impression that the individual churches could do what they want-that it was more of a state legal issue.
uncle: no, because then it’s discrimination
me to self: what is it NOW??
aunt: and it’s not natural-children should be raised by both parents to be healthy. little girls should not be raised by men.
me doing all i can not to scream: what on earth about single dads?? single moms?? aaaaauuuggghhh

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaauuuuuuuuuuuggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh
pow wow (supper) tonite with cousins. pres is a crook, obamas took a vacay and paid their daughters as assisstants, and i was finally called out. auuuughh. and got a lecture. why can’t i just get some ovaries and stand up for myself during these things?? gah!

every tuesday, a small congregation of my aunt’s family gathers to watch a tv show at 8 pm. (primetime, later in the evening, note) that includes one of my cousin’s four kids, the youngest of which is 11 (i think). underage kids watching this show range from 16-11.
well, apparently, a couple weeks ago there was a lesbian kiss on it. good god!
aunt: i would’ve rather have seen a bedroom scene!
me: nods
aunt: and (11-year-old) was just sitting there staring at the tv!
me: nods, inwardly thinking, well of course she is, you’ve sheltered her!!!
aunt: and so (16-year-old, who is know-it-all catholic) got the address of the show’s writers and we’re going to write a letter to them complaining about this.
me: you should send it in a purple envelope so it gets noticed [she did not see the irony in this]
i’ll bet for every anti-lesbian-kiss letter they get, they get 20 pro. i wonder if my aunt is going to suggest boycotting the show?

more like crap my aunt does this time. i walked into the aunt’s household last night and spied a stack of romney/vote for voter ID requirement stickers and inwardly groaned. but conversation remained politically platonic.
i did notice she was wearing a new bracelet: a rubber blue one with “one man one woman” etched in it.
the stupid. it hurts.

i’ve been spending more-than-usual time with a certain aunt* of mine, who is very vocal about her opinions  on religion and politics. which would be ok if they aligned with my views, but since a person can’t contradict her without her praying for your immortal soul and talking about you behind your back, i sit down, nod and smile. and listen.
these are some of the more, um, colorful discussions, so far at least.
aunt, on john mccain: well, he turned out to be a jerk. too bad palin didn’t have a better running mate.
me, internally: WAT
aunt, after discussing the low-lifes who attend the fair: tsk tsk, these are the type of people who vote for obama
aunt: [daughter-in law’s] brother is getting married this saturday.
me: oh, that’s nice!
aunt: he’s getting married on a lake! not in the church! can you believe that?!
me: *looks artificially concerned*
aunt: even [son who is married to aforementioned DIL] said, don’t people know what being baptized means these days??
me: *mouth drop*
aunt: wow this mess in the middle east has gone on long enough. you know, when obama took office he said the troops would be out right away!
me: well, some of them are out…and osama bin laden is gone!
aunt: yeah, poor guy. hiding in a hole and all that’s left is a finger!
me: *facepalm*
 
*aunt shall remain anonymized