i had semi-intentions of doing travelblog while i was out in denver, but the nights got away from me.

let me tell you a story about formative moments.

i think most of us have odd stories about our early years that stick with us, how something that happened in kindergarten or second grade affect our reaction to something in our adult lives.

i was super shy as a kid. at some points, it was debilitating – at a babysitter’s, i wouldn’t eat lunch if anyone else was in the room. i had no really close friends in gradeschool. some were almost there, but no one was really super close to me. was i too much of an academic nerd? was i too quiet and recluse-like? did my last-name curse to be last in line somehow also make me last on the social ladder? i felt out of place for most of gradeschool.

so this past week, i was in denver for a conference. i’d been to this same conference a couple times, but this was the first time i’d be able to go and actually know several other people; my leadership institute peeps were a built-in social group. and like i said, my nights got away from me because each night i was out with these people, talking about our jobs, our colleges, the different parts of the country we were from, how i had an endearing MN accent (i even brought out my two-syllable boat) (but refused to say bag), having some drinks, and just being with each other.

the first full day, we did our presentations to each other, some of which were extremely personal and poignant. few were about our colleges specifically and more out personal journeys. after i finished mine, the guy who i’d been randomly thrown into a zoom room with for our first “get-to-know-you” meeting said some of the kindest words – that i was truly someone who walked the talk. if i hadn’t been full of adrenaline post-presentation, i might’ve just cried at that moment.

and as i was sitting there in the evenings, laughing with these people and getting to know them better, i’d have the occasional flitting thought enter my brain, as insecurities normally do:

“do these people really like me? are they actually my friends?”

and i’d pause and look around and think, well, yes, they do. they are. and the thought would leave.

my shyness was something i worked really hard at to get over. it wasn’t easy, and of course it got easier as i got older in school, and it’s easier as an adult who’s more comfortable in her own skin, but those formative years are formative for a reason. i’m still shy and uncomfortable in new situations. i still cringe and prepare myself when meeting people for the first time. it’s still terrifying being thrown into a random zoom room with a stranger you know nothing about. it’s still terrifying trying something new.

but if you never try something new, well, then you never get on top of the elk statue in the conference hotel center and prompt quite the online conversation.