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Month: February 2013



i’d had my keyboard for many years, and it was gross and dirty and yellow from age. since apple came out with their chiclet keyboards, i’d been using one at my places of work.

chiclet keyboard - keys are shaped like chiclets.
chiclet keyboard – keys are shaped like chiclets.

meanwhile, i had cleaned out my mouse so my mouse was working fabulously, which meant that i really wanted my keyboard to work fabulously. so i bought myself a new keyboard for home ($50!!!) and i looooooooove it. love it. perhaps it will inspire me to write more since typing will be easier.



i made the most boring scones ever. i should have known when the recipe called for only 1/4 cup of brown sugar to toss with 1-1/2 cups of chopped cranberries. they’re kind of like biscuits trying to be breakfast, but not really.
all this to say, i have 2-1/2 quarts of cranberries in my fridge and freezer. what should i do with them? obviously scones are out of the question…unless i find a better recipe.

aaaaaaaahh pussy control (girl anthem or douchebag guide?)

aaaaaaaahh pussy control (girl anthem or douchebag guide?)

for those who’ve never heard the song:

Now, an attempt to translate the lyrics into “closeted midwestern white person” (translation in italics).

Good mornin’ ladies and gentlemen (“What hotel number is she in?”)

good morning, ladies and gentlemen

Boys and motherfuckin’ girls (“319, 319” “Cool”)

boys and girls

This is your captain with no name speakin’
this is prince

And I’m here 2 rock your world  With a tale that will soon be classic
and he’s going to shake up your preconceptions with a soon-to-be classic story

About a woman U already know
we all know a woman like this.

No prostitute she, but the mayor of your brain
no, not the woman who holds your pants, but the one who holds your brain

Pussy Control (Are U ready?)
And her name is Pussy Control.

Aaah, Pussy Control, oh
Aaah, Pussy Control, oh

Our story begins in a schoolyard
Once upon a time at a school

A little girl skipping rope with her friends
There was a little girl having a fine time jumping rope with friends

A tisket, a tasket, no lunch in her basket
Tisket Tasket is a popular jumprope rhyme. And a common target of bullies is a lunch box. she did not have lunch in her basket, just schoolbooks, so nothing to give the bullies. “lunch in her basket” could also be a sexual innuendo, saying she was a virgin while everyone else was sexually active. And this caused a fight because being a virgin is bad news in these parts.

Just school books 4 the fight she would be in
One day over this hoodie
hoodie: see hood rat. “slutty, druggie girl from the hood”

She got beat 4 some clothes and a rep
this fight got her beat up for her clothes and reputation.

With her chin up, she scolded “All y’all’s molded
When I’m rich, on your neck I will step”
she did not let this get her down – “You will all be proven wrong. When I’m rich and you’re still a bunch of druggies from the hood, I will crush you like a bug.”

And step she did 2 the straight A’s
Then college, a master degree
And to keep a promise to herself, she got straight As, went to college, got her master’s degree.

She hired the heifers that jumped her
And made everyone of them work 4 free?
and instead of hiring the gals who beat her up for being a virgin and making them work for her for free, she did not

No! Why?
So what if my sisters are triflin’?
They just don’t know
If these gals are lazy, lying, no good busybodies, its not their faults.

She said “Mama didn’t tell’em what she told me
‘Girl, U need Pussy Control'” (Are U ready?)
It’s their mothers’ faults for not telling them to put themselves and their self worth ahead of what others are pressuring you to do (like, but not necessarily always, losing your v-card, among other things that could lower self worth).

Aaah, Pussy Control, oh
Aaah, Pussy Control, oh

Verse 2
Pussy got bank in her pockets
Before she got dick in her drawers
True to form and following her mother’s advice, PC got herself an awesome personal and professional life before she turned to find love.

If brother didn’t have good ‘n’ plenty of his own
In love Pussy never did fall
If a man didn’t have a similar outlook on life, PC did not want anything to do with that. Good n plenty is a psuedonym for male genetalia.

And this fool named Trick wanna stick her
Uh, talkin’ more shit than a bit
An idiot named Trick wanted to bed our lovely PC, talking himself up like a true douchebag.

‘Bout how he gonna make Pussy a star
If she come and sing a lick on his hit
He’s going to make PC a star if she comes to sing a little part on his song. (Also suggestive for her having sex with him.)

Pussy said “Nigga, U crazy if U don’t know
Every woman in the world ain’t a freak
U can go platinum 4 times
Still couldn’t make what I make in a week
So push up on somebody that wanna hear that
Cuz this somebody here don’t wanna know
Boy, U better act like U understand
When U roll with Pussy Control” (Are U ready?)

And PC replies, “Dear successful African American, you are downright nuts to think that every woman wants to sing for you (aka have sex with). You could go platinum 4 times and I would still make more money than you! (aka, I have more respect for myself than you do). So go talk to some other person who wants to hear you talk that douchebaggery talk, because I sure don’t want to hear it. Do you understand? I have standards. You are not it.”

Aaah, Pussy Control, oh
Aaah, Pussy Control, oh

(Are U ready 4 the best Pussy U ever felt?) {x2}

With one more verse 2 the story
I need another piece of your ear
There is one more verse left, so keep your ears open.

I wanna hip U all 2 the reason
I’m known as the Player of the Year
I want to let you know the reason why I’m known as the dude of the year who has sex with women and leaves them by the wayside.*

Cuz I met this girl named Pussy
At the club – International Balls
He met dear PC at International Balls

She was rollin’ 4-deep
3 sisters and a weepy-eyed white girl drivin’ a Hog
PC was with 4 other girls that night: 3 black chicks and a white gal on a HD.

I pulled up right beside her
And my electric top went down
He pulled up and buzzed down his electric top on his car

I said “Motherfucker, I know your reputation
And I’m astounded that U’re here
I fear U’re lonely and U want 2 know
A 12 o’clock straight up nigga
That don’t give a shit that U’re Pussy Control
Well I’m that nigga, at least I wanna be
But it’s gonna be hard as hell
2 keep my mind off a body
That would make every rich man
Want 2 sell, sell, sell (75, we need another.. 85, 85 here, sold!)
Can I tell U what I’m thinkin’ that U already know?
U need a motherfucker that respects your name”
Now say it, Pussy Control (Are U ready?)

he’s heard of PC and he’s amazed that she’s at this club given her reputation. He believes that she’s gleaned all she can out of her personal and professional development and has come to the uncharacteristic club to find  love, which she can do along with her personal and pro development, but hasn’t been able to find the right guy. Part of this may be due to her reputation, and perhaps when it comes down to it, she wants a guy who has a similar respect, but doesn’t let it cloud all his decisions, especially in the bedroom. Could the 12 oclock be a reference to Cinderella? He’s that successful African American, or at least he’d like to be if it’s all right with PC, but it’s going to be hard to focus on her brain and personality when she’s got a rockin bod*. he thinks he knows what she’s thinking. She wants a dude who will respect her name: Pussy Control.

Aaah, Pussy Control, oh
Aaah, Pussy Control, oh

And the moral of this motherfucker is
Ladies, make’em act like they know

U are, was, and always will be Pussy Control (Are U ready?)
Peace and be wild (Aaah, Pussy Control)

The moral of the story? Ladies, when it all comes down to it, we are all pussy control if we want to be.
Peace out.

Say what, huh? (Oh)
Oh no, don’t U think about callin’ her a ho (Are U ready?)
U juvenile delinquent
Best sit your ass down
Talkin’ about Pussy Control
Huh, can U dig it?

What are you saying? You are thinking about calling her a derogatory name? You criminal. Sit down. You are talking about pussy control!

Aaah, Pussy Control (Are U ready?)
Oh (Are U ready?)

Aaah, Pussy Control (Are U ready?)
Oh (Are U ready?)

for the most part, this is a pretty decent girl anthem. but then we have to think that this is prince, so there are a couple questionable parts as noted with the asterisk.
*first of all, he wants us all to know why he’s the player of the year. apparently he hooked up with pussy control and she lost the v-card to him. player is a negative term in this sense; did he love her and leave her? was she ok with it? i feel like we need a followup from PC’s perspective. or is he using player as a casual term to let you know this is how it’s done and not in its true sense?
another thing i had trouble with is how he’s saying he can be the man who PC is looking for, who respects her for her personality and her self and her worth, but it’s going to be SO HARD to focus on that and not sex because she’s got a rockin’ bod. way to objectify. yes, people are hardwired to be sexual beings, and visual attractiveness is what gets us to take notice of people. but he knows of her, he knows her reputation, he knows that she’s looking for a certain type of man – is he just putting up a good front? does he see her as a sexual conquest? or does he see her as the person she wants a lover to see, and not just another mark on the bedpost?
in the end though, prince tells us that every woman has the capability and the need to be pussy control. we all need to put our self worth above finding a man.
even the name of the song/heroine is questionable. does it show that if a woman is the one who controls her sex organs, she will control herself? or is it how a man can become in control of her sex organs?
i’m torn. is this a pro-woman, you get ’em girl anthem, or is this the ultimate underhanded way of informing men that in order to get in the pants of that hard to get girl, you need to be interested in her mind. and that’s how you get in her pants.
either way, there’s no way i can’t sing along to this.
thank you to urban dictionary. without it i wouldn’t know what a hoodie was or triflin.

can i be your neighbor?

can i be your neighbor?

in the whole time nate and i lived in st joe, not one neighbor came over to introduce themselves. and vice versa, just so you know i am guilty here too. we occasionally talked to the guy next door over the yard, but never at the door.
well, in the two months we’ve been here, i’ve met the upstairs neighbor as well as the guy next door. hooo boy.
the gal upstairs is relatively unweird, but can be a little chatty. she came down to borrow coffee and a little milk because she didn’t want to go out in the snow. well, i told her i don’t drink coffee regularly, but sent her on her way with a k-cup and no milk because i barely had enough for breakfast. chatty chatty.
the guy next door banged on my door and introduced himself as the “guy who lives in the house right there.” and he noticed some shoe track through the snow across his lawn. now before i was here, there were some convicts living here, tattoos up and down their arms, with two rottweilers, who would apparently walk across his lawn. did i walk across his lawn? because the only people who’ve lived here have been trouble.
uh, no. i did not walk across your lawn. and he could see two cats staring at him. along with a huge stack of library books on the table. i was not his perpetrator. maybe it was the catering guys next door?
oh those guys don’t care what’s happening. do anything you like, they won’t care. and he turned around a left.
hmmmm. i think he wanted to yell at someone for walking on his lawn (yes, typical old guy) but i was not the person he was looking for. sorry dude. nice to meet you.



it’s february! i thought the end was nigh with winter. alas, it’s 0 degrees out and snow to come. we need the moisture though, so i’ll give the snow a pass. but really, april is a mere month and a half away! come on spring!
005haha – GIS for april.

in which a few things are discussed

in which a few things are discussed

1. i finally made it to the running room downtown. since i had a long weekend, and it was sunny, and it wasn’t -31 outside, i decided to unhermit myself and get out. i stopped at the running store while on my quest for corn-syrup-free mini eggs (which, sadly, resulted in NOTHING…i may have to spend an arm and a leg on amazon) and was pleasantly surprised! i got a poly wicking long-sleeved high-collared shirt for $10, and, the biggest coup of them all, a city bike trail map! promptly went home and input a bunch of maps on mapmyrun. nothing quite at 6 miles yet, but when the time comes when i can run outside without threat of biffing it on the ice, i will find a way. april 10k here i come! (…in last place, according to previous years’ results, but oh well…)
2. remember michael perry? the author from wisconsin who writes things that make me want to cry, they’re so beautifully written? well, he does tours throughout the area of WI and eastern MN, and since i’m actually more in the area than before, i checked out his schedule. he has a “clodhopper” tour that only costs $12 and is in northfield next weekend. alas i would be going alone, so i passed in hopes that when i have more peeps in the area, he would tour again. then i saw a WRITING WORKSHOP. omg, i nearly peed myself from excitement. so, i signed up, and the weekend before i run a chip-timed 10k, i will be in zumbrota listening to MP talk about writing processes and publishing tips. maybe he’ll sign something and i can brag to my father.
3. remember when i mentioned participating in a move it campaign through work? it’s the beginning of week 4, at which time i should be running 70 mins once this week. bleah! but that’s not why i mention it. they have extra credit stuff each week, and this week’s was, try a fruit or vegetable you haven’t eaten before. easy enough. i got a papaya, minneola and pummelo.
fruit(i’m actually thinking i’ve probably had papaya before in some weird canned fruit salad, but i’ve never had fresh.)
ok, so papaya is boring, minneola is an orange and a pummelo is a grapefruit. not very exciting! but i also got some bok choy hanging out in the fridge so we’ll see how that goes when i cook it. maybe with some bacon. you can’t go wrong with bacon. too bad the extra credit activity isn’t “eat more bacon.” i would excel.
4. peace out!

eating smart, eating socially

eating smart, eating socially

my cousin-in-law brookie has a new blog in which she is documenting her learning process of eating smart. it’s always heartening to see people learn the awfulness that is devil’s syrup (aka corn syrup or any derivative)!
speaking of which, i was reminded of the awfulness of DS today when i felt a rumbling in my lower half and rushed to the bathroom. i will get sick if i consume a lot of DS, and apparently the cupcakes from yesterday’s RCTC facebook extravaganza were loaded with the stuff (sadly, they did not come with an ingredients list). i hope it’s all out of my system. note to self: cupcakes from hy-vee have corn syrup in them.
Corn-Husk-Adnow i wouldn’t rank myself as much of a stickler when it comes to portion size as brooke does, but i do root for the non-processed foods and less-ingredient foods (i’ve also probably got 100 lbs on brooke, so there’s something to be said for portion control). but i am also a proponent of eating socially, which is why i had the cupcakes yesterday. it’s one thing to decline ice cream at liz’s house or extoll the unvirtuousness that is monsanto to megan (she may think my anti-corn crusade is stupid, but agrees that monsanto is the devil), but quite another to sit there with no cupcake while everyone’s stuffing his/her face at a work event.
it comes down to the school of thought that you live to eat or eat to live. living to eat is a too uncontrollable, while eating to live is so sterile. there’s a fine line one has to walk. eat smart, but eat socially at the same time. some days you can lean one way, while other days quite the opposite. eat socially smart.
so while i may put up a good-looking anti-DS front, be it known that i do diverge from time to time, especially when i’m not thinking about it.
and boy, do i pay for it.
*runs to bathroom*
[in other, somewhat relevant news, i had always avoided ben and jerry’s ice cream because whatever i picked up inevitably had corn syrup in it. but liz mentioned the other day that pistachio pistachio lacked it, so i went to their website and checked out their ingredients lists. and 1 of 2 things is happening: i was either picking up the wrong flavors, OR (and i’m hoping this is the more likely) they responded to the recent brouhaha of the all-natural claim and have been phasing out corn syrups. there are many flavors that are DS-free! woo!]

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