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top ten of the ’10s

top ten of the ’10s

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before i dive into my year in review, i thought it would be interesting to do a DECADE in review. that’s right; we’re throwing caution to the wind and counting the 0 year as part of a new decade (sorry, dad).

so i thought about the best times i had in the 2010s. some days were really easy to count as a top ten day, but toward the end of my top ten, i was having trouble figuring out which deserved a spot and which didn’t. there are, of course, a lot of trips that i could have counted, but ultimately, the day had to be something really outstanding, and there was really only one trip i went on that was really outstanding. i also counted days/moments of clarity that, while pretty boring to an outsider, changed my life going forward.

and i’m still not sure on what my #10 of the ’10s is quite yet. i’m going to write up the rest and see where it lands when i get there.

  1. best black friday evah: i don’t have a blog post about this one because of the great blog migration failure of 2011, but BF 2010 was THE BEST black friday evah. i had scoped out a $500 fridge at sears and decided it was time to replace my top-freezer fridge. this was back in the old days (haha) of when black friday was actually on friday, so jane and i woke up at 3:30 a.m. to get to sears by 4 a.m., sat in the parking lot watching a movie on netflix until about 4:20, walked in, dodging the fanny-pack wearing, cruising old ladies, straight back to appliances, where i placed my order. we were out of there in 10 minutes and back in bed by 5 a.m. later that day, jane used an expired macy’s coupon (25% off!), and we won on scratch-off lottery tickets. i know there’s something else i’m missing about this day (i think jane had another expired coupon she used), but we STILL aspire for all black fridays to be like this one.
  2. Cali: everything about visiting california was AWESOME. it was WARM. sunny. the ocean. a couple days were standouts on this trip: the day jane and i went to HP world was just the coolest thing ever. you were IN hogwarts, just drinking butterbeer and trying on your house robes. of course, it’s all fun and games until you decide to go on a ride without your dramamine, but even the hour it took me to get over my motion sickness (while sitting in the three broomsticks) was still better than being at home. we also drove up the PCH to santa barbara (in our CONVERTIBLE) and ended that day at the santa monica pier, looking out across the pacific as the sun set. then the drive home, jane had a real-life video game moment when she realized she was driving the road from one of her racing games! the worst part of the day was that jane missed the turn to our hotel. but if that’s the worst part of the day, i’ll take it. #thankskim
  3. TED stalking: one day in 2013, jane and i decided to go to crypticon because ted raimi was going to be there. (my top three days all involve jane. liz, you gotta up your doing stuff with us game.) we knew it would be a little fun, but we didn’t realize it was going to be THAT fun. but first things first: that morning, we ran the big gay race in the cities, which was the start of the fun. after we got to crypticon, we found ted and had a picture taken with him, and he autographed my joxer picture. this was after we told him we sang the joxer song the night before in preparation (to which he looked a little scared and wondered if we were going to break into song right then). we went to a couple sessions, checked out the merch, watched a cosplay pageant, got a TWEETED REPLY FROM WIL WHEATON,
    tweettook a break and went to a halloween store at the moa, then came back to the bar where we got two glasses of free beer from the bartender. then we went to the halloween prom and watched as ted came in and danced with some chicas! then we decided to stalk him a lil bit (but not too much because we didn’t want to get kicked out). after the prom, we did a circuit of hotel room parties and drank way too much (well i did) and i ended the day barfing from all the drinking. excellent. also, jane knows that the doubletree is not physically by the hilton now.
  4. starting running: in 2011, i got on a scale and decided i was too close to 300 lbs for comfort. i also was uncomfortable in clothes, chairs, and other things. so i decided to start running. other than a brief stint in the summer of 1998, you wouldn’t find me running anywhere at any time. when they made you run the mile in high school, i was sure i could walk a mile faster than run it. but, one day in november of 2011, i made a conscious decision to just start doing it. i paid for a monthly fieldhouse membership at st. ben’s and printed out a couch to 5k schedule. and i stuck to it. the first  day i ran a whole mile nonstop? i felt so accomplished! one day i was scheduled to do a mostly run, little walk for 3 miles, but i decided to just run the whole 3 miles. somewhere along the way, i became someone who runs. i’m still not fast, but 8 years later, i still run regularly, and i run long. i’ve taken three or four breaks due to foot injuries, but other than that, i have run at LEAST once a week for 8 years. since then, i’ve run four half marathons, a bunch of 5ks and 10ks, 3-ish trail ragnars, and countless hours on my treadmill, pavement, trails, and in the woods. it’s never a wonderful experience. what’s wonderful is knowing i can do it and then doing it.
  5. first half marathon: in 2016, either liz or i (oh look! a liz moment!) decided to convince the other that a half marathon was a good idea. at this point, i’d been running regularly for 5 years, so why not? i trained, but not as much as i should have. the half marathon was ok, but at that point, anything more than 8 miles was just such a drag (i had lost some weight at this point, but i was still only about -50 at that point (-90 now – holy cow!)). so the end was really tough for me, but what the training and the half marathon did was tell me “hey, you can do this too! see if you can keep doing this.” since then, liz and i have done a half marathon every spring. my training has gotten tons better, and our time has gotten better each year too. i’m hoping for a sub-12 minute mile this spring.
  6. accepting the roch job: after working at merrill for 5 years during the recession, i was ready to do something that was a little more attuned to what i actually wanted to do (although working at merrill made me an extremely adept adobe-shortcut wizard). i found a relevant job in rochester and decided to apply for it. lo and behold, i actually got it and was ready to put in my two weeks’ notice. the day i put in my notice, i drove home in the gathering dusk (because i worked til stupid 10 p.m. but at least it was may) and felt so good about life in that moment. remember in jerry maguire when he’s in his pontiac trying to find a song to sing to and lands on “free fallin” and you can relate because we’ve all have similar moments? that was me, except it was nicki minaj’s “starships” and in a nissan altima.
  7. SC Tech interview day: my interview for my current job was the easiest interview of my life. i don’t know if it was because i finally felt like i knew what i was doing, or if it was because i knew i wanted that job because i wanted to get back to central mn so dang it, it was going to be great. but the thing that was good about this day, in addition to the interview, was that nate drove up with me and we stayed overnight in st. cloud. if he hadn’t come up that day with me to my interview, i don’t know if we would necessarily be back here. it was a very familiar, very grounded day for both of us, and i’m glad it worked out like it did.
  8. charlie’s alive: when charlie had his accident, they put him in a medically induced coma. we had no idea what he would be like afterward – they’d just taken out a racquetball-sized piece of brain and who knows if some of his motor skills or memories or brain functions would be lost. so when he came out of his coma, and he looked at aunt rae and looked confused, who then pointed and told him his mom was on his other side, and he turned to see her, then responded to questions by squeezing their hands, omg. aunt rae called us (liz, jane, and me – we were on our way to the hospital) and told us what happened, and we jumped up and down in a huddle in jane’s driveway. that was probably one of the best days of my life so far!
  9. corn syrup: in early 2010, i watched a doc that finally changed a life trajectory: king corn. it basically talked about the food industry and how corn is in a ton of our processed foods we eat, and then it dove into big ag subsidies and a how high fructose corn syrup is just, well, the devil. so i decided to try to not eat any corn syrup (not just hfcs) for a month. and i did it. and after a month, i realized that food made with real sugar was better tasting, and actually a little better for you than corn syrup (i did a lot of research while i was abstaining from corn-derived sugar). so, i continued to try to not eat corn syrup (or devil’s syrup as i like to refer to it now). since that 2010 experience, i’ve relaxed a wee bit (mostly in social situations), but the food industry has really turned around, too. items that i avoided in 2010 because of devil’s syrup now list sugar as the sweetener (and NOT corn sugar – that’s just a obfuscating term for DS). the organic/simple ingredients trend has really become more mainstream, and it’s easier to find food that’s fewer ingredients these days. i knew that my crusade had come full circle just in the past couple months when i went to buy ice cream (have to get the expensive stuff because DS is cheaper to make ice cream out of) and kemp’s – KEMP’S – had scrounds of “simply crafted” ice cream in the freezer made with sugar.
  10. where i get hung up: what is #10? there are a couple items i feel could fill out the top ten of the ’10s. it could be visiting all the mn state parks in 2018, but that was more than a moment. that was an ordeal (altho a very satisfying one!). it could be a couple of the trips nate and i took: when we did a southwest loop in 2018 or headed to utah in 2010 (my favorite part of that trip was the 2 overnights we spent in the black hills on the way back). memorable for sure, but outstanding? not sure. it could be wizardworld, but that was for sure not as fun as crypticon. it could also be getting up at the buttcrack of dawn to take photos of sunrise over the SE minnesota valley towns. it could be the day i submitted my passport paperwork: that’s a moment with future.

    but what i think i’m going to choose is something a little mundane. nate and i were living in st. joe and i had just gotten back from an evening run – so this is narrowed down to 2012 summertime. i came in the house, poured myself a glass of iced tea, and headed out onto the deck where nate was standing with the cats for their supervised outside time. i plopped down on the deck and stretched out, chatting with nate about what was going on as the sun set on the other side of the house, casting a pinky purply bluey haze in the east across the short backyard, pond, small field, and copse of trees – trees forever in central mn. i don’t know why i still remember that evening. maybe it was because of the timing of nate on the deck when i came back from a run. maybe because it was just before i started commuting to roch/austin. maybe because of the time of year (sprrummer is the bomb, y’all). or a culmination of all put into one memorable moment that i just won’t forget.

chasing christmas

chasing christmas

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“I think there must be something wrong with me, Linus. Christmas is coming, but I’m not happy. I don’t feel the way I’m supposed to feel.”

there is nothing that resonates at christmas quite as much as charlie brown when you’re an adult. even though he’s in the body of a child, his thoughts and attitude toward christmas are very much an adult ones. everything about a charlie brown christmas digs deep into your chest and sits there for a while. meanwhile, the music is fleeting; by the time you realize what vince guaraldi’s piano means, it’s too late to know that it’s meant for you. and no matter how much you try, no matter what you do, nothing – nothing – can make christmas quite what it was when you were a child.

most of the time, in my case anyway, i feel like i’m going through the motions: put up a tree, make cookies, watch the movies. and while i enjoy all those things, it’s still missing. the anticipation, the excitement, the hope, the “first time” ness of the christmas experience.

some of it may be that the season starts in october and stops abruptly the day after christmas. the calendar location of christmas is such that the celebration should start almost directly after our axial tilt starts to glean a little more light at the ends of our days, but instead, we are celebrating encroaching darkness. (i understand that this is hardly noticeable to the average person. but solstice-time celebrations are all about bringing the light back.) by the time christmas actually gets here, we are so christmassed out that we don’t feel like christmas is actually happening.

and i would bet most people suffer from the “i don’t feel the way i’m supposed to feel” that charlie brown feels.

there’s a great webcomic by the oatmeal about how to be perfectly unhappy. it posits that it’s ok to not be happy all the time. that happiness is a constant state that means you’ve gotten to the point of accomplishment. thinking about it, the majority of my time is not spent in a perpetual state of happiness. it’s more likely that most people exist in a state of okay-ness. maybe being an adult is realizing that a lot of the time we don’t feel the way we’re supposed to feel.

“christmastime is here. happiness and cheer. fun for all that children call their favorite time of year.” that this line in the song is set to one of the most melancholy tunes does not surprise me.

so perhaps it’s best to think in terms not of how we’re supposed to feel. maybe we should think in terms of how we do feel and go with it.  for a moment or two in october i remember that christmas is coming and i get excited. when i see rows of christmas decor for sale in october, i get irritated. i know the day i put up my christmas tree is going to be a lot of work but i like looking at the tree, so i’ve resigned myself to the work. if you think of christmas as a constant happy time, most of the time i don’t feel how i’m supposed to feel.

but then i see christmas lights on a lone tree in the distance. step outside on a cold night when snow is falling and hear a total, encompassing silence with the whiteness of the snow reflecting to light up the darkness. unwrap my favorite ornaments to hang on the tree. open the door to a pile of packages that just came in the mail. pull out the time-life records to play on christmas eve. watch “it’s a wonderful life”. take silly pics with the fam just to irritate my dad. listen to “o holy night” and its crystal clear high note.

it’s then i feel a little bit of christmas excitement that i feel was ever-present when younger. and it’s ok that it’s not ever-present now. it’s ok to be just ok. i think charlie brown represents what’s best about being an adult at christmastime: you might not feel how you’re supposed to feel, but, even though you may not meet expectations of those around you, you still chase moments of christmas. and if you’re lucky? you catch them.

ice ice baby

ice ice baby

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growing up in austin didn’t afford a lot of opportunity for culinary excursions, but the one thing that was always a summertime trip was a visit to the dairy queen a couple times during the hot months. one thing you must know about my dad: he loves ice cream. like, dreamily so. he will poopoo pizza for its fatty content and then slurp down a big bowl of vanilla ice cream in the same evening. while his reasoning isn’t sound, at least the man knows where to spend his caloric intake.

so a trip to the DQ was not out of the question in the summer months when it was open. it didn’t happen very often, so when it did, it was a real treat. (don’t take this to mean that we were deprived of ice cream growing up. see above about one NL wallace. we ALWAYS had a gallon bucket of ice cream in the freezer. since we rarely splurged for anything beyond vanilla [and if we did it was usually gross neopolitan], we became deft at mixing our ice cream with a teaspoon of cocoa powder to create a sense of chocolate soft serve. liz was especially the expert at this, probably because she was the only one patient enough to wait to eat the ice cream.) the DQ in austin was on the west side near the old-school mcdonald’s, so it was always a trip to get over there.

the menu was always so appetizing, with the meal options and all the different ice cream options. but we never went there to eat a meal; it was always ice cream. and since there wasn’t much money, it was almost always a dipped cone (sugar cone – never waffle). ah, how i longed for a peanut buster parfait or a reese’s blizzard. BUT the dipped cone was better than homemade chocolate soft serve.

we always got ice cream on hottest of days and sat outside on the blistering red picnic tables, hauling our cones and handfuls of napkins out with us. ice cream started sliding out of the space between the chocolate shell and the cone as soon as we stepped outside, and either you had to be vigilant with eating the ice cream or watch the melty goodness run down your fingers. my favorite was when it was so hot, water beads started to form condensation on the shell and ice cream started breaking through in little white pinpoints.

of course it was a giant mess, trying to keep up with the meltiness of the ice cream in the heat. it wouldn’t be odd to see one of my siblings covered in ice cream and give the cone up to the trash (yeah, probably charlie cuz he was 1. young and 2. distracted). but it was always fun and it was always a treat.

these days i don’t get to DQ much, but i do frequent the ice cream shop in town a few times a summer (which has some delicious flavors and excellent waffle cones). i have an ice cream maker so i can make my own ice cream whenever i like, and any ice cream i buy is a flavor that i enjoy eating by itself, no cocoa power mixing necessary.

chilled for now

chilled for now

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happy veterans long weekend! i have monday off. thank you, bank holidays!

i went out this evening to get some stuff at walmart, and it was a lovely 12º outside. you know that first day of the cold season when it’s so cold that it sucks any moisture from the air and you breathe in pure cold? it was that tonight. of course, we are minnesotans, so i saw a guy sprinting into walmart with just his sweatshirt on. i, on the other hand, don’t much care about keeping up hardiness appearances and had my winter jacket, my hat, and my gloves on (no mittens quite yet – have to have some semblance of easing into the season).

on saturday, i bought a new couch as part of a veterans day sale. i’m really happy about the couch, and it should be arriving in 4-5 weeks. here’s to veterans day sales! (slowly but sure, you will see how this post will evolve into a someday sunday post.) i did some research, agreed on a color with nate, and stopped on my way into st. cloud to take advantage of the sale.

there are a lot of little shops that use this weekend as their holiday open house. not only is it a holiday(ish) weekend, but it’s also deer opener, which means the MEN are out hunting and the WOMEN are out gathering… their christmas decor (don’t get me started on this christmas overtaking the stores the minute halloween is over. ugh). stack the events on top of each other, and it’s a nice sale weekend.

which makes me a little melancholy, because for several years when i lived in st. cloud and my mom lived in new london, we would both take monday off and go shopping. she’d do the majority of her christmas shopping, and i would do some this-and-that shopping (because i was usually done christmas shopping by this point). it’d be an all-day affair, with having lunch; perusing several stores like target, best buy, barnes and noble, and macy’s; and then ending with a too-early sunset as she dropped me off at my house on her way home to new london. i’m not sure how many years we did it, but we did try it out once or twice in rochester, and it just wasn’t the same. one lucky year we were up in the st. cloud area for another event and took advantage of the situation.

now, of course, it’s a different story. i’m here where the “good shopping” is and she’s in SE minnesota, and it’s just not gonna work out 🙁 she’s not going to waste her energy down there where it’s not a good experience. but, even though it’s not the same, i will go shopping up here over the veterans day weekend because i feel like i’ve got to keep the spirit alive.

because someday, i think she’ll be back. maybe at that point she won’t be especially excited about doing a ton of shopping, but the season will beckon, and we’ll have to brave the cold.

ode to the killer perkins

ode to the killer perkins

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today i saw in my twitter feed that the st. cloud downtown perkins was closing.

it’s the end of an era.

the killer perkins was a late-night hangout for a few years; every time branden rolled through st cloud, which was almost every sunday night, he and lisa and i would meet at the killer p for some apps and convo. and definitely a show.

one time there was a fight out in the parking lot. a guy had a gun in the back of his pickup (think hunting fun). the cops were called, then a small fire broke out in the cab of his truck. branden rushed out to yell at him “dude your cab’s on fire!” then rushed back to watch through the window with everyone else. the cops didn’t believe there was a gun until we told them exactly where it was.

saw a fight break out in the middle of the smoking section (OMG remember smoking sections?!?), and a girl had her shirt ripped off and her piercing yanked out in a delicate area (ouch!).

for my final paper in my journalism II class, i wrote 10 pages on the regulars at killer perkins – what they were like, the conversations, etc. i remember the note on the paper saying that the prof didn’t think this would work but was fascinated and gave me an A. here’s the paper for those who want to read it! finalfeature

there were times when i was invited to go to killer perkins but had to scrape together change to just get a side salad. i wrote them more than a few checks with money that wouldn’t be in my account for a couple days (remember checkblanks??)

i met so many people there – it was a landmark. if i needed to meet someone in st. cloud, all i’d need to say is “you know where downtown perkins is?” and boom. plan made.

and not only was it a college kid afterhours hangout; it was a place for many of st cloud’s homeless to sit overnight in a warm space. the 24-hour restaurant is no longer and i hope those people have a place to be on chilly nights.

so farewell, killer perkins. i leave you with a haiku:

wow killer perkins
hey dude with the gun! fire! cops!
dinner and a show

stargazing

stargazing

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it was in the deep heart of a smoggy august when my cousin lori and i headed up the north shore and back to central minnesota to hit up 18 state parks over a 3-day weekend. wildfires in canada brought smoke across the sky, turning it from the deep azure of late summertime to a pale white with an anemic sun that tried to burn its way through the cover.

we had spent the previous day stopping at mille lacs kathio, banning, and jay cooke state parks. we were ready for the shore part of the trip.

the smog made for surreal looking landscapes along the lake; while we meandered our way up the shore, it was hard to discern where the lake ended and the sky began, and the craggy rock outcrops stood out in sharp relief.

of course we made all the stops: a mid-morning snack at betty’s pies (me the blackberry peach; lori the maple walnut), a stop at gooseberry before the crowded madness of mid-afternoon, and the ensuing parks along the highway as we headed northeast.

of all the itineraries during my summer of state parks, this was by far the easiest trip but also the most park intensive. the only park that was out of the way was george crosby manitou, and that was just a short jaunt off hwy 61. the rest of the parks along the north shore were just a pull-off hwy 61 into a parking lot, and that made for an easy trip. as we headed more northerly, the parks grew less crowded, the shore more gentle, and the drive a little easier.

prior to this, i hadn’t been past grand marais, and even then it had been 20 years since i’d been that far up the shore. while the smog persisted, lori and i persisted up the coast, and it turned out to be one of the more breathtaking drives i’d take during the summer visiting the entirety of the state. the cragginess was gone, replaced by easy slopes and tall hills filled with pines. the closer we got to the border, the more beautiful the landscape became. we stopped at grand portage national monument, and while we were too late to check out the visitors’ center, we stopped to take in the views of the bay. the smog had dissipated a little throughout the day, and standing at the edge of minnesota staring at the big lake into its canada and michigan parts, one could only try to imagine canoeing across the water for weeks and finally seeing this bay as a destination, a reprieve.

our stay that night was at judge cr magney  state park, the most northeasterly state park with a campground. i had done a lot of research before choosing a weekend to stay at this park, making sure we were visiting during a time when the moon was the least visible. the past few years i’d dabbled in astrophotography, and i was on a mission to see the milky way in as much glory as i could.

after reading the book “the end of dark” by native paul bogard, i had become more aware of how lighted we are in the more populated areas. i knew that my trips to the state parks might bring me opportunities for night sky viewing, and i had done my best to create the best conditions. while i plotted according to moonrises and new vs. full, i never foresaw the smog. another thing i hadn’t known about during my plans was the perseids showers, which were to peak that evening. i held out hope that the smog would be pretty minimal and the perseids pretty great.

on the way back to judge cr magney park, lori and i stopped at small beach on the side of the road which turned out to be an ideal spot for some star watching. the beach was comprised of small pebbles and swung around to the southeast, creating a small bay. the water was almost calm, and small waves lapped at the shore. it was still hard to separate the water from the sky at a distance, but if the sky remained clear, we’d be able to see some stars that night.

we set up camp. judge cr magney is a small campground with very few campers; the majority of visitors to the park that evening used tents or small pull-behind pop-ups. after our tent was up, lori and i went for a quick walk around the park, then decided it was too late in the day to check out devil’s kettle falls. instead, we picked up a bundle of firewood and had a fire while cooking supper on our campstove. i set up my hammock between two trees. we organized the camp box and made sure the wet towels we had thrown in the box that morning were set out to dry. after a day of driving and stopping, hiking and sightseeing, it was nice to do menial tasks with feet on the ground.

meanwhile, we had to wait for the sun to reach past astronomical twilight and into dark night, which is when the sun is 18º below the horizon. that was about 10:30 p.m. so while it appeared the sun was set, we needed to wait a bit longer. lori took a nap in the hammock. i sat in my camp chair by the fire’s embers and read a book by my headlamp. at 10:30, i whisper-shouted to lori across our site, and her head popped up from the hammock. time to go.

i was excited about seeing the stars in their full glory. lori was just along for the ride, and i have a feeling if she’d been a tiny bit more tired, she may have stayed in the tent. as it was, she dragged her sleeping bag along with her into the car. i made sure i had all my camera gear.

it’s an eery thing, starting your car in the middle of the night in the middle of a silent campground. it felt sacrilegious, especially when i turned on the headlights. i quickly turned them to parking lights until we were out of the campground loop.

not even a mile down the road, we pulled into the small beach parking lot. and as soon as i stepped out of the car, i could see it: the milky way.

most people need to let their eyes acclimate to see stars beyond the few bright ones in our skies near metro areas. it takes up to 3 hours before humans’ eyes are fully opened for night vision in full dark conditions. but we were far from any metro, or any a small town, so even with our closed pupils, the stars spread across the sky, pinpricks of white in dark.

a ball of fiery red lay low on the horizon; i don’t think i have ever seen mars so red or so clearly. i can only imagine what the night would have been like if it’d been completely smog free. if the water had been calm, we’d’ve seen the reflection on the water.

i with my camera equipment and lori with her sleeping bag, we set up camp on the pebbly shore. i did my best with my photos, moving around to get different shots of the stars, the milky way, and by chance, perseids shooting across the sky in long swipes. after 45 minutes of trying different settings and various positions (i am amateur at best), i set aside the camera and sat on the beach alongside lori and watched the stars and meteors burning up in the atmosphere.

close to midnight, i was spent from the long day along the shore, and i suggested we go back to camp before i fell asleep on the beach. at this point, i was unsure of how lori was faring with the amount of time we’d spent on the beach, and i felt a little guilty forcing her out for stargzaing. but it turns out that she was reluctant to return to camp and said she’d stay out there all night if she could. i turned back to the sky and we watched for a while longer.

when watching stars like this, at some point, you lose yourself in the sky. you get lost in the stars. you forget that you are solidly held to the ground with gravity, and part of you senses that, given release, you’d float into the galaxy – become one with the spots of light. the wide sky takes up your entire vision and the primal part of your brain says “hold on!” lest you become one with the stardust. but of course we are all stardust. we forget that we are one with the stars.

here

here

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this evening i drove to st. john’s for a nighttime trail run, and i made my way down into the small valley where collegeville resides just as the sun was starting to dissipate into the horizon completely, casting a low shadow across the hills of trees. a few trees have already started to turn to autumn colors, but most still hold onto their green with starts of tingeing to yellow green, which will give way to complete yellow, red, brown, orange in the next month. seasons change, the sun tilts, whether or not i want it to give way to winter.

i remember the first time i realized that this was my space, the place i knew that i would probably like to be, for a while, at least. it was my first year at st. ben’s, and of course i had a couple classes at st. john’s and had to take the link (the bus) between the two campuses to get to class.

the ten minute ride on the bus went from st. joe onto hwy 75, which merged onto I-94, under the walking bridge, before taking the first exit and left onto the road that slipped into the woods to the st. john’s campus. most of the time, this was ideal time to catch up with a friend or classmate, or cram for a test, or finish your homework, or read a book. and it was a perfect time to stare out the window and watch the trees go by with a backpack on your lap and keeping worries at bay.

it was full fall. i was in the “stare out the window” mode, and when the link merged onto I-94, there was a sudden burst of color on the right as trees closed in on us, vibrant reds, punchy oranges, ethereal yellows going forever that beckoned one to walk in the woods and imagine a sense of weightlessness. i don’t know that i’ve had such a sense of groundedness in a place as i had at that moment.

i look forward to running through the woods in a few weeks when the leaves turn yellow. when fall comes, maybe you’ll go to the north shore; perhaps a trip through the minnesota river valley; or maybe a meander down the mississippi from hastings to winona. me? i’m content right where i am.

farewell 38

farewell 38

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sipping on a margarita on my last few hours of 38. i did get out for a run and then got some pics of a great evening sky and the light it was throwing.

i really missed spring this year. i missed the smell of snow melting to slush and then water and the thawing dirt and melting fields. we were thrown directly from the winter that never ended to summer. can i insert some sort of metaphor about life here? the days are long but the years are short. i’m about halfway through, i reckon.

peace in two parts

peace in two parts

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on impulse, i decided to take a walk through the st. ben’s campus and the st. john’s campus tonight right around sunset. i brought along my camera in hopes of getting some good opportunities. i also wanted to bury my nose in some lilacs.

the two campuses bring me a sense of peace that i don’t find anywhere else (maybe that’s why i gravitate toward central mn) but in two very different ways. since i went to st. ben’s, the feeling i get walking through that campus is a peace related to a more uncomplicated and carefree time.

even with the new buildings and updates, it still brings a sense of, ok, this is where i was during a formative time. this is familiar. this is what i lived and breathed for four years. this was home for four years.

and st. ben’s is on the edge of st. joe, so there is a sense of civility to it – the noises from hwy 75, glimpses of cars driving past the main building. even though st. joe is only a few thousand strong, you still feel like you a part of a larger piece, something more modern, yet still holding onto tradition.

but when i step on the st. john’s campus, there’s a sense of wildness, woods, and looseness to the peace. a sense of peace you would only get by slipping into nature, whether it’s paddling one of the lakes, heading into the trees, or hiking along the trail to the chapel.

it wasn’t until i had graduated that i learned that st. john’s is not named after the apostle john, a more mystical creature. no, the campus is named after st. john the baptist, who lived in the desert and raved and ate grasshoppers. this changed my mindset about the campus completely.

while i never called st. john’s home, i did have many classes there. if given the choice between visiting st. ben’s or st. john’s, i choose st. john’s every time.

and since i’ve moved to avon, i’m 10 minutes from campus and gladly take the short jaunt to spend time in the woods, finding a piece of peace.

ditch mead

ditch mead

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today i was on my run (a rather enjoyable, leisurely one i might add) out on the county roads here in avon. the grass is starting to green up and the leaves are making their appearance, but the roadside ditch grass has yet to spring up (i almost said ditch weed but realized that had a different meaning). which means i see a bunch of garbage in the ditches, especially beer cans.

which made me have a moment of reminisce while i was out pounding the pavement.

every spring, my dad would take my siblings and me out to country roads to scour the ditches for aluminum cans so we could take them in for a nice payout at the recycling center. each of us was armed with a garbage bag and instructions to pick cans until the next driveway or road.

(this next part is lifted from a thing i wrote a few years ago for my thinkpiece on devil’s syrup that went nowhere.)

Thinking back, I wonder why we weren’t given gloves to protect our fingers; we ran into a lot of funky stuff in those ditches. Perhaps it was dumb luck or hopeful optimism. My dad parked his white, former USWest telephone van at the next crossroads or farm driveway, and with two of us on the left and two on the right, we scanned the ditches for cans. It wasn’t abnormal for us to walk away with the old van filled with sticky, yeasty smelling cans. Some summers those cans funded our vacations.

Recently I was talking to my sister Liz about the can pickup jaunts, and she wondered how we managed to gather so many cans. It took a moment of consideration, but I realized that in the 80s, plastic bottles were relatively non-existent. We had just made the jump from glass bottles to aluminum cans at the grocery store; plastic 20-ounce bottles had yet to make their debut. When you think about it, it’s really unfortunate that we migrated from two very recyclable materials for drinks to one that doesn’t recycle well at all (most plastic bottles are recycled into carpet) and takes years and years to biodegrade.