Life in the Cheese Drawer

If there is one yogic principle that is the most widespread, I think it’s karma. And while it’s more in a sense of the negative in current culture, with the whole “they’ll get what’s coming to them” mindset, it’s important to keep in mind that it’s the positive as well, with all the in between and ultimate goal of non-action.

The universe is just energy and molecules creating and evolving from one form to another, and karma is a great way to encompass that. We are all stardust, afterall. The example the author gives of one type of energy begetting another type is really useful and the way that karma should be represented in society. If we are around positive people, then we usually feel more positive. If we’re around negative people, then we tend to feel more negative.

What I found really interesting is the principle of being unattached to results and memories of our actions is what enlightenment is. This is, of course, difficult to do with how conditioned we are by our past and the actions we have already taken.

The two ideas of inaction and nonaction were, in my mind, similar, but after reading about them, they are two different ways that we aren’t taking action. Inaction seems to be the place where we are hemming and hawing about a decision, while in the meantime the opportunity has passed, whether good or bad. And with the way that the only constant is change, inaction is something that we can’t wallow in.

Nonaction was surprising. It’s the ultimate goal of being able to act without worrying or attaching to the results. And here’s my pop culture reference because I immediately thought of a scene from Friends while I read the description. There’s a scene where Phoebe wants to make a selfless gesture to prove she can actually make a selfless gesture, and since she hates PBS, she was going to donate during a donor drive. In doing so, she ended up getting a goal dollar amount for Joey, who was then brought on screen and congratulated. Of course, Phoebe was happy for Joey, but then wasn’t able to complete her selfless gesture.

This is a difficult principle to grasp, because we make decisions and create action every day. To do so without wanting, needing, or gathering any sort of feedback or affirmation takes a lot of practice and mindfulness of the moment. It’s especially hard because we are a culmination of our past actions. But if we continue to work on being in the moment, then it is the goal.

Mental-emotional afflictions.

The more I read about klesha, the more I realized that it almost embodies the human experience. We are ignorant about some things – most things. We have an ego that likes to trip along its path. We yearn for pleasurable experiences, and we try our best to avoid painful experiences. And at some point in our lives, since we are aware of it, we all fear death. In my understanding, if we are able to get past these and remove the cause of these emotions, then we can face our future unclouded.

At which point I wonder, do we want to face all events without our past experiences? In some cases, yes, it can hinder our actions. But in others, it can be helpful. Maybe I’m misunderstanding the premise of klesha, but if we are the sum of our past experiences, using that past is what makes our present legitimately ours.

There are some principles of yoga that I have struggled to embrace 🙂

BUT, I am currently reading “The Body Keeps Score”, which is FANTASTIC. I was expecting a boring academic book, but it is enthralling. So much of our emotions and experiences are stored in the body and we stuff down the physical reactions (because we like to think of ourselves as above the base instincts of our animal selves), which then just causes further problems down the road of our lives. I’m not very far in the book, but so far I am really enjoying it.

Back to klesha – I hope there is a way to use our knowledge of our past without letting those experiences and conclusions cloud any current or future experiences and reactions.

One of the prompts in my book is to think about typical reactions and explore when/why it happens. A lifelong, consistent reaction I have always had is to avoid conflict. I will make an excuse to run away from conflict; at this point, it’s become part of who I am. I don’t know if it’s because I can’t think clearly in the moment and my best arguments take place in the shower, or I am afraid of people being mad at me (the fear-based part of this reaction), or if I just don’t want to be wrong. I had to google why people are conflict-averse: one of the things it says is that you grew up in an environment that was dismissive (unlikely) or hypercritical (arg, that whole oldest child thing gets ya every time). (Mom this is not you.) The good news is that the older I get, the more likely I am to stick around for a disagreement, especially face to face. (Although I’d much rather write a note.) It can be uncomfortable and I still can’t come up with a decent comeback, but I usually won’t internally wither up and want to die.

Ultimately, I think klesha is about focusing on the present and what our reactions are in the present. I hope that our past experiences can inform our reactions and help us make better choices to not continue a cycle of poor reactions. While we can work to root out the cause of our kleshas, I feel like we should be able to learn from them rather than dismiss them entirely. I know this is kind of counter to focusing on the present, but we are humans, after all.

Write your thoughts and reflections on the yoga philosophy Asteya.

I am a gift giver. I loooove finding gifts for others and seeing them open them. I purchase things for family members throughout the year, not just for the holiday season. At this point in my life, I don’t expect or want anything in return, especially at our Christmas gift exchange. The only thing I say is that I really do want to receive at least a birthday card for my birthday.

Is that necessarily going against the practice of asteya? When I read about the different ways that we can practice the yama of not taking from others, it made me take a step back and wonder if telling the people I love that I expect some sort of recognition on my birthday goes against asteya. And I’m still not sure.

Receiving is also a gift – to allow the gift giver the opportunity to give. What really resonated with me, when Bachman said that gift givers tend to get awkward because they are so used to being the giver that they don’t know how to react when given. I have run into that multiple times! I enjoy getting gifts, absolutely, but sometimes if there is no reciprocation it can get awkward for me, and I have to work on that.

Giving and receiving is only part of asteya, which is not taking from others and only taking what is earned or freely given. This is, actually, very close to satya. The example I gave of stealing my coworker’s thunder for satya could very easily have also been tied to asteya, which shows how intricately entwined the yamas are.

As we dive deeper into the yamas, I find them a little more tricky to navigate. Ahimsa was easy to embrace; satya a little more involved. And now asteya is causing me to really reflect. And the fact that they build on each other is especially important. How does applying one of the yamas affect another? Like we discussed in class, if we are being truthful about something but at the same time hurting the person, what sort of imbalance does that bring? What is important in the moment – is it better to uphold someone’s mental health? Is it more about rhetoric and the way we talk and act toward others? What about the platinum rule, so to speak, a spin-off of the Christian golden rule: “treat others as they want to be treated”?

I am excited to reflect on the upcoming yamas and to see how they will all interact with each other. I’m deliberately not looking at the other yamas and sutras until it’s come up in class so I can have time to absorb the others. I also think it would be interesting to see the intersectionality of the yoga principles with other religions’ core principles, as well as general moral code – what it takes to be a good person living in community. That may be something I do a little research into after I finish this class.

Here is the draft of my presentation for March!

First, let’s take a moment to relax. Everyone take a big breath, hold, and exhale.

Ok, let’s do this.

Here are some things you need to know about me:

• I am the oldest daughter of an oldest daughter.
• I’m pretty type A and I like to get things done, which is something I didn’t need a strengths finder to know.
• I’m achievement driven and make lists like no tomorrow.
• I like providing information. I keep it in my head until the opportune moment arises.
• Deadlines are my friend.

The past few months with you have really let me inventory all my strengths, and what I’ve learned during our time together is that my biggest strength is my relationships with others: at work, friends and family. Myy ah-ha moment was embracing my relationship strength.

Some other things you need to know about me:

• I have struggled with shyness, especially when I was young
• I’m an anxious person. Going to a gathering where I know no one? That is totally not my thing. I am definitely not a woo.
• To help with anxiety, I do yoga regularly.
• I am an introvert

You can see where I might run into some issues while trying to maintain relationships.

It’s  really important to sustain these seemingly opposing selves – to be true to myself in relationships with others as well as my relationship with myself.

I’ve done yoga on and off for almost 15 years. In 2013, I found Fightmaster Yoga on Youtube and began a more regular practice. For the past couple years, I’ve done yoga almost every day. When I do yoga, my mind is so focused on the breath and poses and the movements of my body that all the pressures of the day, the anxiety, the people time that depleted me – it all disappears.

There’s a perception that yoga just about relaxing. Yes, it can help calm the mind, but it’s a meditation tool, a way to sharpen the mind, a way to strengthen, and so much more. And it’s not just self-care. When we do yoga, the benefits that help us individually radiate to our relationships and interactions with others.

Here’s how we can take this personal practice into our practice as leaders.

Foundation: the foundation of yoga is the breath and the sun salutation. Having a strong foundation for yoga is necessary as it is the start to all poses. You also need a strong foundation as a leader, whether it’s your woo, your intellection, your empathy. For me, I always thought my knowledge and achiever-type strengths were the most important. I like to get things done. But we need support and community, and in order to do that, I need my relationships first and foremost.

Find out what your foundation is. These are the things that should be second nature to you and become a part of your everyday without thinking. They become automatic, and when people see you, they know that your foundation is your sun salutation, your breath. No matter what other poses or problems you face, you know that you can always always count on your foundations.

Strength and flexibility: Yes, yoga is about the breath. But the asanas (or poses) are also an integral part of the practice, whether it’s a crow pose, a handstand, or a seated tadasana with a long spine. These poses use your body weight and core to create strength. No lie – yoga arms are a real thing. So many asanas create strength, but they also take time and practice to build. And it doesn’t necessarily get easier. Warrior two is a good example of a pose that can progress over time, just like building strengths.

Our foundations usually flow right into poses and strengths that we can make stronger. I am really good at getting things done and relationships. I am pretty good at making sure that the right people are in the room during projects, and that is something that I deliberately make sure to be aware of when assembling a team.  That little bit of practice means that your practice of core strengths gets a little bit stronger, a little bit more extensive, and little bit more flexible.

Limits: In yoga there are limits. it took me years to get into scissors pose. I can sort of do a bird of paradise. And there are wraps that I just can’t get into. But the best thing about yoga is that it’s not about the pose as long as you feel a stretch.

I will never ever have woo in my top five. My last strength is includer. There are always going to be times that we need to use strengths that we hate using as a leader, and you need to fake it til you make it. Then afterward we wonder why we hate doing that and maybe it’s something that we should work on. But instead, if we recognize the limits in our strengths so we don’t expend a lot of energy on them, we can use that time making the best of our best strengths. That’s one of the top takeaways from this program for me. Don’t worry about what I’m not good at. I’m working on letting it go.

Balance: Just like noticing our limits, in yoga we always have to take note of balance. Even standing poses that seem easy can cause you to fall if your balance is off. And asanas that are centered on balance? They always take intense focus, awareness of the body, and a line of sight to stabilize.

We need balance in minds. We need balance in our lives and in our work. We need balance on our teams and with our coworkers. The wrong balance not only affects you, but it affects those around you. Being balanced is taking care of yourself so you can take care of others.

And just like in yoga, sometimes your balance is off that day. Sometimes you fall out, and that’s ok. You just get right back in.

Savasana: More than one yoga teacher I know has said that the most important pose is savasana – corpse pose. It is the final pose of the practice where your body and mind take in all the benefits of your practice. It’s also the moment where you can let your breath return to normal and your mind be in the present. It is a moment of rest.

It’s crucial to take time for yourself, to rest and relax. It’s crucial to figure out what your path is and to clear your mind so you can take the next step. I don’t know that I will ever take a director or manager role at my college, but I know I can be a leader in my current role, and I enjoy my work. I also decided to finally take the time to take yoga teacher training. After fall 2022 semester, I”ll be a fully certified yoga teacher. I don’t know what I’m going to do, but I am enjoying the experience and learning about yoga and myself.

Namaste: Yoga practice can bring so much to our lives and our interactions with others. It brings mindfulness, strength, and especially empathy and compassion for others. And the best part about it is it doesn’t take much – it can be 10 minutes a day. My favorite length for a practice is 20 minutes. Sometimes I do 45 minutes or an hour. What works for you is the best practice for you.

Normally, yoga practices are ended with namaste. Come to seated with hands together in front of the heart in anjali mudra. The following is how Lesley Fightmaster ends her practice:

Bring our hands to the forehead for clear and loving thoughts, hands to the heart for clear and loving intentions, and hands to the mouth for clear and loving communications.

The light in me sees and honors the light in you. Namaste.

Meditation is very difficult for me, but I continue to work at it and hope my mind eases a bit each time into a more present moment.

Meditation, for me, is a focus and letting go – letting go of the intrusive thoughts that enter my mind while I’m meditating. Just notice the thoughts and then let them go on their way. It’s also a focus on the breath, on the in and out and how it fills and leaves the lungs. Counting my breaths also helps me focus more, though my thoughts do intrude more often than I’d like.

When I meditate, I also like to scan my body and notice the different parts, usually from head to toe. As I notice the different parts of my body, I can sometimes feel that particular part relax a little bit more.

The focus and letting go help to put me more in the present moment and the mind and body that is with me now, the only moment we have. The clearing of the mind helps me relax and prepares me for other interactions through the day. With a clear head and relaxed body, I feel like I can be a better decision maker.

Personally, meditation is just one way to ease my anxiety and stress. The best way for me to banish anxiety is through focused activity. A yoga practice on a daily basis is my best meditation practice right now, as the focus on the poses and positioning of the body clears my mind of all other thoughts. Another activity that is really meditative for me is doing puzzles. Something about looking for the right piece in color, shape, and size is a completely focused activity, and hours can pass without me noticing. Puzzles clear all other problems from my head.

On the flip side, one activity that does NOT help with my anxiety is running, though you would think a repetitive physical activity would be a meditative practice. I have tried to meditate during a run and have failed spectacularly. One of the methods was to count footsteps as you went along, and that did nothing but put my focus on how much work and effort it was taking to run and how much my feet hit the ground. I’ve since decided that the best way to get through a run is to turn up the music, look at my surroundings, and just deal with my thoughts that dwell in my mind while I run. After I’m done, I feel invigorated and refreshed, even if the run wasn’t meditative in nature.

I hope that by taking part in a more regular meditation practice, maybe after my yoga practices or at the beginning of my days, I can learn to do them more often and relieve stress and anxiety throughout the day instead of at the end or beginning. At some point, I hope for it to be second nature to take a moment to meditate and clear the mind and spirit.

i started my yoga classes! and there is homework every week, which i know will be fine but my subconscious brain is thinking about missing them all already. anyway, the couple assignments i’ve done already are essay-esque in nature, so i thought i’d start posting them here as well.

 

Write your thoughts and reflections on the yoga philosophy presented last week in class: Ahimsa

Today I did a longer ashtanga yoga practice on youtube, one that I’ve done before, when the teacher mentioned ahimsa. She contextualized it with making sure not to go too far in a pose – that protecting your joints from pain is necessary, and that this is a part of ahimsa.

I’ve probably done this particular practice four or five times, but this is the first time I noticed the word ahimsa. And the fact that she applied the word to bodily harm primarily to ourselves really stood out to me.

When I think of non-violence, I first think of non-violence toward others: try to keep our words, thoughts, and deeds involving other beings in a loving manner. But the source of non-violence has to come from our own self, and in order to put forth a true non-violent attitude to others, we have to have a non-violent attitude within.

This includes all kinds of self-harm, whether it’s physical, mental, or spiritual. Working to maintain an attitude of self-love can be a difficult and even contradictory thing sometimes, especially when there are imbalances in the brain that can contribute to self-harm. Perhaps someone sees a physical manifestation of violence to the self as a way to relieve the mental violence. Extreme exercising that exacerbates an injury can be the result of wanting to be rid of anxiety or the brain’s need to meet a goal. Negative self talk could be the only way someone knows how to get through a crisis based on their past. And many times we are more decent toward other people than we are ourselves.

When we embrace ahimsa firstly within ourselves, it will radiate in the everyday part of our lives and interactions with others. While some self-practice of ahimsa may be deeply ingrained and difficult to overcome, others not so much. As I heard my teacher mention ahimsa today, I brought to mind how my right knee is a bit trickier than the left when I bend it. I made sure to not pull it in as far so I could maintain ahimsa during my practice. Every little practice of ahimsa helps.