I recently read “How to Quit Like a Woman”, written by Holly Whitaker, who’d struggled with addiction of different kinds, and one of the reasons she wrote the book was because AA didn’t work for her. The letting go of the ego was not something that was helpful for her when she was working on her relationship with alcohol and drugs. In her reflection on how she was able to overcome, she wrote about how for some women, it isn’t about letting go of the ego; it’s about embracing the ego. Women are so used to being sidelined and not listened to, pushed aside, that the best way to overcome personal addictions was to really embrace the opposite of these everyday occurrences. And this was from an advocate and writer who completely embraces yoga and meditation as a way to help overcome addictions in life. She devoted a chapter to ways to help the self, and yoga as mind practice rather than a physical one was one of the core ways she said can help.

Aparigraha is about depriving the ego of things, power, ideas, etc. The things we accumulate feed the ego and limit our internal development. I think if we can provide the ego with an opportunity to feed off our internal development instead of material possessions, that is what Holly was talking about, especially for women and other minorities. AA was developed for men, but for those who’ve been limited by a misogynist, racist society, boosting the ego with a sense of self can help to create a better relationship with the self (and hence, others).

But back to hoarding the stuff. We live in a society where stuff is the goal – the more we have and can purchase, the better we look. This is harmful to those who don’t have a lot and harmful to the environment. Ultimately, it’s also harmful to ourselves. Aparigraha is how we can give instead of take, or take only what we need and allow others to take what they need as well. Any excess that we have is best given to those in need.

The ultimate way of embracing non-hoarding is helping the environment. Without an earth for humans to live on, nothing else really matters. By reusing, reducing, and recycling, then dispersing our excess to others for a better life, we are really helping the earth. I’ve been trying my best to do what I can to help – reducing, recycling, minimizing plastic use, buying used. But this needs widespread cooperation, and our world is so full of ego-minded people that it would take a lot of inspiration and unity.

Maybe this is a pollyanna, socialist view of the world. People are flawed, and we like things to stay the same. Bachman has a line that I really like: “…everything – including the world and ourselves – is always changing, and instead of a rigid ego, we need a flexible heart-mind to navigate these changes comfortably.” That can be applied to so many things as the world changes around us. One thing we can always count on is change, and we need to be able to go with the flow. That is why I don’t like to make solid long-term plans. Part of letting the ego feed off developing internally vs things and power means that we can be flexible and helpful and want to be in community.