Life in the Cheese Drawer

I don’t consider myself religious in any way. But I do think there is a universal energy, flow, earth mother – whatever you may call it – that connects us all, especially to nature.

There is a Wabanaki term called kciye, meaning harmony with the natural world. “It is not enough to know that we are a part of one living system. We must also take active steps to live in harmony with the rest of creation…We are only keepers of a way of life that is in harmony with earth. Every day, we much act in ways that acknowledge that we are part of one living system, a unified whole” (Sherri Mitchell from https://www.spiritofchange.org/core-values-of-the-indigenous-way-of-life/)

I like how different cultures have similar ways of looking at the ideal connection, whether it’s through the yoga sutras or kciye. As we’ve learned, humans, generally, are bad at this but can work at it. Mitchell goes on to say: “Human beings are the only species on the planet that has fallen out of step with creation.”

I am an oldest daughter (I have three siblings) and my mom is also an oldest daughter. As you can imagine, I like to control a lot of things, or at least know what the plan is. This is something that has always been the case for me, but I feel like during the past few years, this has lessened a little bit. I don’t know if it’s due to me just getting older and kind of not caring as much what people think, or if it’s due to me having a yoga practice every day that’s more of a meditation practice than for physical benefits, or what exactly it is.

So letting go of control is something that’s not easy, but it’s been getting easier. Whenever I am in a setting where there is a woo-woo or spiritual or other type of atypical connection, I always a little dubious, but I am never surprised when something different or unexpected happens. And I’ve been seeking them out lately, which is probably a byproduct of letting go of control

We see how control (and capitalism) have given humans a false sense of superiority in our world. It would take a lot to take a step back and look at how we can create a world that is not about accumulation and things and how we feel about ourselves, but letting that go and making a world that is better for everyone – everything.

The connections we have – with other people, with the world around us – that’s what Bachmam says isvara-pranidhana is. “Cultivating a heart-mind that sees the divine energy inside each person is the practical culmination of this niyama.” (203) It starts within and ends in each other and that around us: kciye

“The only way for us to regain our balance within creation is to once again find our balance with the natural world. Kciye is just a word, but it’s a word that reminds us of our deeper connections and our deeper obligations to life.” (Mitchell)

The niyamas all kind of coalesce together in the practice of svadhyaya, self study. When we take the time to do self study, we connect to our selves and those around us. What really fuels us? What makes us feel complete? What makes us feel like we are working to be better?

Moreso, what can we do to make sure that we really embrace and cultivate our svadhyaya? When we take the time to focus on ourselves, then we can share it more with others. And when we are more in tune with ourselves, we can then work on those habits and changing them so that our actions toward others aren’t harmful.

There are many ways I practice svadhyaya, but I feel like I have better ability to do this than many others since I have no kids. When you have responsibility for small people, I feel like your ability to focus on yourself as much isn’t priority one. But I hope that those who do have that responsibility are able to take time. If you’re not able to focus on yourself at all, that’s no good.

I feel overwhelmed at work quite a bit, even though I know that my boss is supportive and everyone knows that we’re understaffed. But requests continue to come in, and my new coworker is still getting it figured out. Plus it’s hard to explain how we have to spend a budget and why I can’t focus on you specifically and justify so much. The negativity was getting to be a lot. So when I had a chance to get away for a conference, it was a perfect time to connect my brain to why I keep doing this job. Being with like-minded people who have the same problems, but also with the opportunity to discuss solutions and the positives was so nice. I felt refreshed when I was back at work afterward.

On a personal note, I feel like taking this yoga teacher training has helped my svadhyaya more than anything else I’ve done. Even though I’ve done yoga for a long time and read some books on being in the moment and meditation, actually having the structure of a class and the accountability has really helped me focus on self study. What am I doing in my life that I could be doing better? How are my reactions unhelpful, or helpful? What am I doing for others that isn’t necessarily doing anything for me? And what do I need to do to maintain this after my program is over?

I’ve never been one to make long-term plans. There is too much spontaneity in life to adhere to a plan that doesn’t allow for opportunities that may come your way. That’s how I ended up in this class – I happened to come across it three weeks before the semester start, and I just decided to apply. I’m really happy I did, because this has been really one excellent, long-term way for me to practice svadhyaya.

After reading a few different interpretations of santosha, I think what sums it up best is marching to the beat of your own drum. In his book, Bachman says that santosha is “being satisfied with whatever you are doing, knowing that it, like everything else, will end.” Farther down the page, he says “When we conform to what we think others expect of us, in order to save face and be accepted by others, we are not content with ourselves.

And the best: “the best, most satisfying results come from sincere effort and gradual progress over time.”

I literally just talked about this at my leadership presentation, during my limits and flexibility portion. Maybe we don’t get into a pose on the first try, but if you want to progress, you work at it. It takes preparation and building, but eventually we get there

Let’s talk about running for a moment. For some reason, when people start running, they think they need to run at a 9:00/min/mile pace right away, for 3 miles. What! This is not how this works. When I started running, I spent 3 months doing couch to 5k, where you walk run walk run walk run for gradual increases in time and distance, and then you should be able to run a 5k. I STILL do not run fast, and I’m ok with that. Part of santosha is not being jealous of others’ progress, and running is something that I am 100% on board with that. I am in awe of those who can run faster than me and applaud them. And I continue to work at my own running pace. I’m training for a half marathon (again that gradual work of progress over time), and my long runs are usually slower than my shorter runs, but the 12 miles I ran yesterday was so slow. But I was ok with it, because I knew that I was still training, it was really windy outside, and I was aware of any knee pain I was having (which was much better).

Even if the half marathon in two weeks turns out to be a slow pace, I will still be ok with it because I will have accomplished it no matter the time. I put in the work, at my own pace, to my own goals. If I’d had to conform to the goals of the first-place winner, I know I would fail and I would probably injure myself. I’m ok with my slow running pace, progressing at my own rate.. My body is really thankful for this, too. If it’s a bad running day? I got out there. If my pace isn’t as fast as I’d expected? I moved that day and got to be outside And the super fast, first-place winners? I will cheer for them all day every day, because it’s something I can work toward, even if I will never reach it.

The line from Bachman’s book that I like the best though, is this: “Slowing down, stepping back, and appreciating the little things in life creates inner happiness.” Running has helped me in that aspect more than I realize. I notice my body more while I’m running – both my breathing method and the way my muscles are reacting and moving, along with niggling issues in the feet and knees. If I’m running in the springtime, I stop at the ponds and marches to listen to the frogs. When I’m out along the fields in the summer, I’ll stop and see how tall the corn is. Running in the woods in the fall? I pause to find red leaves on the path, check the sunset over the lake, or catch a glimpse of the geese heading south for the winter. Especially when I’m on the treadmill, I’m painfully aware of every moment that passes (so slowly) but glance sideways to see the cats snoozing peacefully on the guest bed next to me.

Generally, I am a happy positive person, and I have a lot to be grateful for, or least I perceive that I do. And the older I get, the more I notice how this is a wonderful thing to have.

 

I have to admit that when I first think of purity, my mind immediately is taken back to Catholic school and sins and having to confess your darkest, evilest secrets to a priest to take the stones out of your heart, which I’ve tried to distance myself from but, as is always the case, is from the formative years and hard to completely overcome.

But after reading about saucha as purity and cleanliness and how it’s not about purity of the soul so you avoid hell, but more about how we can do things on the daily to keep our mind and body clear and open – non-judgmental and ready to be in harmony with our world – that’s something that I can be more in tune with. (which is probably what the priests should have told us back in 2nd grade. i hope they’ve moved on from the stones in the heart thing.)

As far as saucha practices in my life that help with this, I am good in some ways and not so good in other ways. There are definitely things I can work on.

Before I started working at a college (10 years ago), my desk was immaculate. Everything was organized, in its place, a certain way so I knew what deadlines were ahead. Since I started working at a college, my desk is a shambled mess almost all the time, even though I know exactly where everything is. I know that I need to clean my desk more often, because when I do, I immediately get calmer. I do make lists all the time, which definitely helps me stay calm among the mess and helps clear my mind for the work I do.

When I get home during the workweek, I always do a yoga practice to unspool from the day. The mindfulness during a practice really helps me relieve the stress and busyness of the workday. Adding a meditation to it has really helped as well.

When it comes to saucha and nutrition, I have my moments. I will always have a sweet tooth and I will always enjoy eating cheese, bad snacks, and the occasional steak. But there are days that I realized that I haven’t had any meat, and those are getting to be more often (unintentionally). I will never identify as a vegan, or even a vegetarian, but eating less meat is helpful for the environment so I am ok with the accidental vegetarianism.

For the past 12 years, however, I have avoided corn syrup as much as possible. It slips in occasionally, but for the most part, I don’t eat any corn syrup, high fructose corn syrup, or variations of it (which corporations have tried rename on the ingredients lists). As a result of that, I end up buying more organic items, certain brands over others, or items with fewer ingredients. Or just not buying items at all – I haven’t had Trolli Britecrawlers in 12 years and I used to love those!

And that, along with running, actually caused some pretty drastic weight loss for me. I lost about 80 lbs. in 2-3 years after that diet change, along with running on a regular basis. I feel like running also is a way to take part in saucha. It’s a great way to get energy moving and toxins out of your body, and the mental journey you take on a run is something else. It’s the ultimate in self discipline because your body can keep going, but your brain wants to stop.

One thing that I know I have to work on (besides the whole eating too many cookies thing) is holding onto things with my relationships. I will remember things that happened and then bring them up, even after many years. And it’s not that I hold a grudge against that person – it’s just a relevant thing to the moment at hand and I like to remember it even if it’s not a great moment for the other person. It’s not malicious. I just need to let it go and let it out of my mind. Which is hard, but it’s something that I need to work on.

I could go on and on about saucha, but I think this is it for now!

Instead of changing my habits to reflect an ayurvedic lifestyle for a week, I decided to look at what habits I currently have that live within the ayurvedic realm and see if I can focus on them. For me, habits take a long time to form, and if I try to implement too many at once, it’s a useless endeavor. This way, I can take a look at what I’m already doing and see if I can expand or add incrementally to it.

The first thing I did was google ayurvedic lifestyle. I watched the ayurveda movie, which was more about fixing health problems, and I did the dosha quiz, which talks about the constitution of a person, but nothing really listed out items you could do on a daily basis to make ayurveda part of your lifestyle. Sure, I can eat nutritiously or make sure that I am balanced in my intake, but what else is there? Here’s a few things I found.

From mapi.com, I found a list of ways to live ayruvedically.

1. Take a walk with a friend: this is specifically a walk, not a run. These days I’m running 4-5 days a week, so I get the exercise, but this is calling reducing excess strain. At least once a day I am walking, but not with a friend. But about once a week at work, I will walk around campus to do a bulletin board cleanup, and maybe that counts!
2. Fresh lunch. I’ll admit that the protein bar I grab for lunch or the packaged oatmeal probably doesn’t cut it. But I do try to bring a piece of fruit for lunch: an apple, a container of blueberries and blackberries, sometimes a banana. Sometimes a couple of these!
3. Drink water: I drink a lot of fluid throughout the day, but not nearly enough of that is just plain water. I should work on that.
4. Drink milk: I don’t drink milk anymore. If I do, it’s oatmilk. I don’t think this is something that I would count toward an ayurvedic lifestyle.
5. Take a break: this is about meditation! Which I am incorporating more and more into my daily life.
6. Sip herb tea: while not necessarily herb tea, I do drink tea a few times a week. Sometimes it’s black tea, or oolong, or roobios. I don’t know if i will ever drink herb tea, but the warm coziness of a cup of tea is really nice.
7. Massage your body: I think this is about making sure you keep your skin hydrated and the power of touch, but I almost want to count this in the self-care category. I get massages maybe once every couple of months, and now that summer is around the corner, I will likely get a pedicure once a month.
8. Call a friend: keeping in touch with people you like is so helpful, and I am so bad at calling people. I wonder if texting counts? There is something different about a phone call or seeing someone face to face though. I have noticed an uptick of feeling better with more and more of my work meetings being back in person vs. on zoom. I’d much rather have in person meetings.
9. Breath deep: this is SO nice. I do this when I do yoga. Usually Lesley Fightmaster will have us do at least a couple rounds of deep breathing during a practice, and it’s really relaxing to actually focus on a deep breath.
10. Go to bed early: HA nope. This just won’t happen unless I’m exhausted, and even then it’s probably 10:30 (that’s early for me).
11. Rise with the sun: also a big not happening for me. I have noticed that I am getting to sleep and waking up earlier on the weekends, though. Keeping a consistent weekend schedule is nice.
12. Have a good breakfast: This is something I would struggle with. Some days I don’t have breakfast except for coffee, whether or not you can call that breakfast. I’m just not hungry when I wake up, and according to ayurveda, a juicy fruit like an apple should be eaten first thing. I can’t imagine getting out of bed and eating an apple first thing. If I DO eat a good breakfast, it’s usually oatmeal, not juicy fruits. I think this is one thing I will just have to not embrace, especially if we should be listening to our body as to when it’s hungry. If I’m not hungry until it’s time for lunch, I should just listen to my body.
13. Care for your hair: after reading through this recommendation, I realize this is more about self image. If your hair is not how you want it (limp and lifeless), then you’ll be pessimistic about life. This is also about nutrition that helps your hair out (and likely your skin): fruit, nuts. I don’t have a problem with how my hair looks, but I likely could eat more nutritiouly!
14. Flush out the amas. Amas are undigested metabolic waste, which is always a weird thing for me to wrap my head around because our liver and kidneys do their job well. Detoxing the body is done by…the body most times. If you want to really “detox” and get rid of waste (not toxins – our organs are good at that), then you almost need to move to a liquid diet or drink laxatives like before a colonoscopy. Or a better option would be fasting for a bit or stopping eating really processed foods. This is one I’m slightly skeptical of, just like I’m skeptical of detoxes. But, I continue to try to steer clear of corn syrup of all kinds!
15. Decorate your dining table: I LOVE this one! I love a good tablescape. This is something I don’t do regularly, but that  I should do more. Make your meals a celebration. Too many times i take my supper and sit on the couch so I can watch Netflix. When I get flowers for the table, I do try to sit at the table so I can look at the flowers, but I likely also have a book with me.
16. Boost your immunity: especially during the winter, I am ultra vigilant of taking vitamin C and D (and calcium) to help prevent getting sick. During the summer I’m not as concerned, and now I wonder if I should be keeping the C vitamin regiment during the summer months.
17. Spice up your dinner: mapi.com calls out spices like turmeric, cumin, and coriander. I know turmeric is especially good for you, and I can taste it when I eat things that have it – I like the taste. But the foods I usually eat are not Indian in nature, so it’s hard to incorporate this one more regularly. One I do eat is cumin as part of my more regular Mexican food preparation. I wonder what other spices that are used worldwide would be helpful? I might have to look into this.
18. BOND WITH NATURE: YES. YES. YES. Winter is hard. (I do, however, get outside a few times.) But the rest of the year? Sign me up wholeheartedly! I am outside as much as possible, getting my hands dirty in my garden, tromping through the woods, sitting outside listening to the spring frogs in my pond.
19. See a vaidya (doctor): I regularly visit a doctor and will go if I’m not feeling right. I like that this is part of the list – combining traditional ayurveda with science.

The three types of yoga are: Karma, Bhakti, and Jnana. Karma is the path of action; bhakti is the path of devotion; and jnana is the path of knowledge.

As for the three founders of yoga, I did a little research online to see what I could find and found several, but for modern yoga, I found that the most influential was Tirumalai Krishnamacharya, who really made yoga as we know it widespread. He had students: Indira Devi, BKS Iyengar, Sri Pattabhi Joi, and TKV Desikachar. I watched a short youtube video on Krishnamacharya, and learned that he was known for combining the spiritual practice of yoga alongside the physical healing of it. He was a practitioner of ayurveda and is known for the yoga vinyasa practice: combining movements and the breath.

I also watched the Ayurveda video and learned more about this “Art of Being.” The philosophy behind it is to treat the person, not the disease, and has been around for thousands of years, with manuscripts 500-600 years old that are still in use.

The three energies of the body, vata, pitta, and kapha, need balance, and when we are sick, they are out of balance. Each of the energies have diseases for them when out of balance. In ayurveda, everything in the universe is medicine and can supplement the body. There is even a way to take substances that are poisonous to humans and work with them so that they are no longer toxic and we can use the benefits, like mercury. I was skeptical of that, but while I was watching the video, I had to look it up to see if this was actually a legitimate thing we can do (it is). And now I wonder if the ayurvedic practitioners have been removing the poison from heavy metals like mercury for many many years, while westerners were rolling mercury around in their palms during science class in school.

I have to admit that I was mildly skeptical of ayurveda, and then my weekly reading called me out during samskara, not being open minded. I think modern medicine has really come a long way and is very useful. I trust science to do its job. But I also know that nutrition and the foods we eat can affect our health, so there is a way that we can combine them to create a better medicinal option for people. It was even said during the movie that we can combine them to create the best results for all. Finding the right balance of what we eat and how we treat our bodies can make a big difference.

One of the quotes in the movie that really struck me was from one of the ayurveda practitioners: “If science is only followed for money, it’s wasted.” That is so true of the US at this moment. When companies are charging insane amounts of money for insulin that people die without, it shows how greedy we’ve become as a capitalist society.

One thing I want to do is look up medical journals about how effective ayurveda is and how it works well with modern medicine. I did a brief google search while watching the movie and I know they exist, so I’d like to learn more.

Here’s my updated presentation for my leadership institute, which is a MONTH AWAY YIKES!!!

I am going to have a slideshow up, and here’s what I currently have:

What I MIGHT do is remove all the words and set it to autoplay so the images change out every minute or so so I don’t have to worry about clicking through a slideshow. The less I have to worry about the slideshow, the better!

****************

(START SEATED ON THE MAT)

First, I’d like to thank all of you for joining me these past few months. The time with you all has really encouraged me to embrace my true leadership style. While I’m achievement driven, competitive, and like to get things done, the leadership style that that’s all enveloped in, what I come back to again and again, are all about relationship building.

But I have some personal conflicts with this.

• I am an introvert
• I have struggled with shyness, especially when I was young
• I’m an anxious person

When I’m with family and close friends, this isn’t a problem, but with people I don’t know as well, I run into issues. It sucks energy, and at the end of the day I can be exhausted. I realized early in my life that I have to find a balance – to be able to have relationships with others as well as maintain a relationship with myself.

One way I found really helped was yoga. I’ve been doing it on and off for about 20 years. About 10 years ago, I found Lesley Fightmaster Yoga on Youtube and began a more regular practice.

When I do yoga, my mind is so focused on the breath and  getting into the poses and the movements of my body that all the pressures of the day, the anxiety, the people time that depleted me – it all disappears. It is a moving mindfulness. And the best part is that when we do yoga, it not just helps us personally, but also benefits those around us.

One of the phrases you’ll hear often in yoga practice is to lead with the heart. This is about poses that open your heart center, poses with hands clasped behind you where you roll your shoulders back, or any sort of backbend. These poses expose your heart, leaving it open and unguarded, and you can feel really vulnerable. But the more heart-opening poses you do, the more comfortable you feel being that open. You start to feel more energy, more self-confidence, and more empathy for yourself and others.

Leading with the heart is just the start of how yoga can help us be better leaders.

Foundation: The foundation of yoga is first and foremost the breath. Every movement has a breath. And for me if there’s a foundational pose, it’s the sun salutation. This pose leads into a lot of other poses in my yoga practice.  (ROLL UP TO START A SUN SALUTATION DURING THIS SECTION)

Your foundation is second nature to you and becomes a part of your everyday practice without thinking – this is true in yoga and as a leader. It’s who you are, and when people see you, they know what your foundation is – your sun salutation, your breath. You know that you can always, always count on your foundations to pull through for you and bring you back to who you are.

Strength: I’ve heard a couple times about how yoga is just stretching. This is a lie! Yoga poses use your body weight to create strength. I would not have these arm muscles without a daily yoga practice, but it takes time and practice to build. And it doesn’t necessarily get easier. Warrior two is a good example of a pose that can progress over time. (SHOW BEGINNER W2 AND HOW IT PROGRESSES)

Our foundations flow right into a core set of poses and strengths that we are good at but can work on to make stronger. I am really good at getting things done and relationships. I am pretty good at making sure that the right people are in the room during projects, and that is something that I deliberately make sure to be aware of when assembling a team. Every time I do it, it gets a little bit easier and a little bit stronger.

Balance: In yoga you always have to take note of balance. I have fallen out of warrior two more than once. And poses that are centered on balance? They always take intense focus, awareness, and a line of sight to stabilize. (DO TREE OR SOMETHING THAT WILL CAUSE ME TO FALL OVER, NO DOUBT)

We all know that an imbalance of your personal life, your work life, on your teams – it doesn’t just affect you personally, but it affects everyone around you. But putting that focus and line of sight back on yourself trickles down in the best sort of way.

And just like in yoga, sometimes your balance is off that day. Sometimes you fall out, and that’s ok. You just get right back in.

Limits and flexibility: In yoga everyone has limits, but this is a great way to test our flexibility. It took me a long time to get the strength to even attempt bird of paradise. I can sort of get into it now, but it doesn’t look pretty. There are wraps that I just can’t get into because my spine is not that flexible.  But the best thing about yoga is that it’s not about getting into the full iteration of the pose as long as you feel a stretch. Then you decide if that pose is something you want to work on.

I can do an ok scissors pose. It took me a while, and when I was able to get into? I was so happy. (DO THE SCISSORS!!!)

Change is the one thing that will always be there. There are always going to be times that we need to use strengths that we hate using as a leader, and you need to fake it til you make it. That’s one of the top takeaways from this program for me: don’t worry about what I’m not good at, but try it out once in a while just to remind myself. And if something surprises you  that it might actually be your thing? Well, time to take on that challenge!

Savasana: (GET INTO SAVASANA RIGHT AWAY) The most important pose is savasana. It is the final pose of the practice where you take in all the benefits of your practice. You let your breath go, let your body relax and sink into the earth, and let your mind be calm.

(ROLL OVER AND SIT UP)

I don’t know that I will ever take a traditional leadership role at my college, but I know I can be a leader in my current role, and I enjoy the work I do and I really enjoy the relationships I have with my workmates.

Namaste: When we lead with the heart, we create energy, strength, and especially empathy for ourselves and others. I encourage you to start a simple yoga practice. The best part about it is it doesn’t take much – it can be 10 minutes a day. It can be chair yoga or a simple stretch and meditation over your lunch break. My favorite length for a practice is 20 minutes. What works for you is the best practice for you, and the benefits are nonstop.

Normally, yoga practices are ended with namaste. Come to seated with hands together in front of the heart in anjali mudra. The following is how Lesley Fightmaster ends her practice:

Bring our hands to the forehead for clear and loving thoughts, hands to the heart for clear and loving intentions, and hands to the mouth for clear and loving communications.

Sending this positive energy to all beings everywhere. Namaste. (END SCENE AND RUN AWAY)