Life in the Cheese Drawer

after charlie was in his accident and we weren’t sure if he was going to make it, something started unfolding on the interwebs. 
for a couple people, those in the immediate know, it happened that same day. over the next couple days, the rest of his friends caught on, and it spread. 
whenever i logged in to facebook, and it was a lot because i needed some sense of otherworldlyness and community, slowly but surely, many of cha’s family and friends changed their profile pictures to one they had with charlie. one after another, i started seeing charlie everywhere in profile pictures, and it was so comforting to know he had so many people rooting for him. 
it almost makes me understand the france profile pictures, but with charlie, his friends actually did stand with him and not just put a good face on. they visited. they gave money. they sent things in the mail. they left him messages on his facebook wall even though he might not ever read them. 
****
tonight i went to my cousin’t wake. she had been battling cancer for a long time; this was the third onset she’d had, and it had spread to so many difficult places that it was a relief that she was out of pain. 
it was just my dad and me, and my dad goes to funerals to see people he hasn’t seen in a while. at the same time, i saw people who i knew from our austin days and from when i was very young. what was curious is that every single person we talked to that we knew, and even many people we didn’t know, came up to us and asked how charlie was. there were people who knew he was doing great and came up to dad patting him on the back saying it was great news; others asked him how he was doing; even more were completely surprised when we told him or her that he had been released to home. i even had people i didn’t know at all ask me how my brother was doing. i don’t think i talked to one person about my cousin whose wake we were attending.
****
coming together as a community was such a huge part of this experience. one thinks that you just have to handle this on your own. not true. more people care for him than you’d think, and that’s by and far the most humbling part of what happened these past 2-1/2 weeks.
coalescing for charlie.

i’ve shared my story about the time my dad, charlie, cousin karl, and uncles greg and jon floated down the missouri river in 2003. i believe i focused on the bathroom aspect. (really, go read that. jane laughs every time.)
what i didn’t focus on was how whiny charlie was! holy cow. he really did not want to go on this trip, and i feel like my dad thought this would be a great father-son bonding experience. instead, he got his oldest daughter to come on the trip and a whiny 15-year-old son. probably not what he was envisioning.
at one point, my dad told me his expectations for this trip were entirely different when it came to charlie 🙁 he complained; he was annoyed with the work; he didn’t want to be there. i felt really bad for my dad, as i knew i had sort of wedged myself into this trip and his son wasn’t really being a great participant. i think at one point, i actually pulled charlie aside and told him to shape up. cuz we couldn’t ship him out. 
we spent three days floating on the missouri river. my dad and i paddled this weird almost-canoe that was great when the wind was at our backs. i got a pretty severe sunburn on my chin and an appreciation for porta-potties out of it.
my dad was enamored by the white cliffs, and charlie told me more than once that every time he looked back at us, i was paddling and dad was sitting there (way to go, dad). we avoided the specified campsites and ended up camping for the night at weird locations – both islands in the river. the first night was an island full of yellow mustard weeds and a great latrine my cousin karl dug. if i remember correctly, this night our uncle jon passed around a flask of irish whiskey (i passed) and IPAs (i did NOT pass). this may have been charlie’s first sip of whiskey. 
the second night was an island found while on the run from a thunderstorm, with no trees and barely a bush to dig a latrine behind. (this is where i gained my deep appreciation for any type of non-hole-in-the-ground bathroom facilities.) it thunderstormed all night, and the morning after, charlie told me he had been afraid the tent would blow away; i had been afraid the river was going to flood us out. neither happened, so we continued on our way. 
OH! and before we left for the canoe trip, we stayed at one of my dad’s friend’s brother darryl’s house in montana. this guy had a giant pulldown screen with a projector in his living room. we watched “ice age”. he also had a lot of cars,  INCLUDING a delorean!

that was kind of fun!
but the morals of this story, kids, are: don’t be a whiny little bugger. wear sunscreen. appreciate elevated toilet places. and don’t make your dad regret he brought you along!

what great hair! the first time i saw charlie with great hair was at caitlin’s wedding, which was the day before jane’s graduation. he thought he looked creepy, but i said NO IT LOOKS GREAT!! 
and he goes back and forth with the hair, short long short long. 
before he was in the crash, his hair was long. it was only a couple days ago that he realized they had to shave his head for his surgery. 
but it’ll grow back. it always does! 

i feel the need to do a year in review a month and a half before it’s due, but i’ll restrain myself until dec. 31. we’ll see if this year can swing itself into middle ground (there’s no way it’ll get into favorable again. unless i win the lottery. then it might redeem itself.) it certainly is bipolar :/
charlie comes to rochester tomorrow. here’s a photo of ralf to celebrate. 

eleven days later, and we’re looking to many more days with charlie in the future. 
my heart is still in my throat, even though i know he’s going to live and be fine and he’ll soon have his great head of hair back. i don’t know how long it will be until that clutching sensation in my solar plexus goes away, but it probably just means i’m still on alert in case anything happens, and my emotions haven’t caught up with real life quite yet. it’s also hard knowing what else he needs to go through to get to where he was.
but what is utterly amazing is the number of people this kid has affected in some way, shape, or form. the first few days after he went into his coma, i came home from work and constantly checked caringbridge and facebook for updates and to see what people wrote in comments and on cha’s FB wall. i didn’t know what else to do, and it showed me what sort of community comes together during something like this. i’ve had messages from coworkers in portland, friends he’s been out of contact with for a while, friends he’s been in contact with, friends of friends, family members’ friends and coworkers. it’s unbelievable, and you all are unbelievable. 
i know my family is strong, and we would have been able to do this on our own; charlie is worth it. but the support that everyone has shown has really made us even stronger, knowing how much bigger charlie’s life is. you are amazing.
like jane said in today’s caringbridge post: “who knew one life could touch so many?”
<3

i first started going out with nate when i was 24, which means charlie was 16 (nate was 25, if anyone’s interested). nate’s a big gruff looking dude who reminds me of my uncle squire. not someone you think you should mess with, but who will help the helplessnessed of kittens walk across the room. 
i think it was during the first month we were dating that mom and dad decided to leave charlie and jane for a while (this MIGHT BE the same time as the messy living room jane guest posted about last night). i was going to call a couple times to make sure they hadn’t blown the house up or killed each other. 
nate lived in sauk rapids at the time, so i was at his place when i made one of the phone calls. charlie answered and i made sure he was still breathing and the house was still standing. he asked how i was and what i was doing. 
well i was a dude’s house who i’ve been seeing for a month! 
WOW!!! who, what’s he like, what’s his deal? and let me talk to him.
so i gave him some specifics, then looked at nate and told him my brother wanted to say hi. sure, sure, that’s fine. 
after maybe a minute, probably less, nate handed the phone back to me.
“i told him if he hurt you, i will send the st. cloud mafia on him.”
and that was the first time charlie talked to nate.