kinda sad

I walked on campus today for my last week of work and it was empty. I felt kinda lonely. That, and I realized I probably wouldn’t be back here except for job interviews. Lonely. I also felt that way when I went to St. Ben’s to grab some books for my giant paper this semester. So much has changed on that campus, but it is still a place where I spent four years of my life.

Christmas is approaching, all too quickly for my tastes. There’s still no snow on the ground, and how can you have Christmas without snow? It’s supposed to snow tonight, but the temps are above freezing for the next few days, so if it does. I’m not sure it will stay. Still, it will be nice to see a white coat of fluffy cold for at least a little bit.

I only remember one Christmas without snow when I was little, and it was rare that there would be a Thanksgiving without snow; we would always go snowmobiling after Thanksgiving dinner.

Christmas Eve was the night my parents put on a Christmas get-together for family, so one year Colettie decided we should do luminaries to line our long driveway. We continued doing it until my family moved. Every year my aunt Colettie and my siblings and I would spend diligent hours drawing and coloring brown grocery bags with Christmas scenes; there was always a candle, a candy cane, a tree, a stocking, and I’m sure much more.

The Christmas without snow we trudged out to the driveway with our bags, sand, candles and lighting instrument. No snow also meant it was the easiest year to put up the luminaries, so there was that advantage. We started at the bottom near our faux fence and worked our way up, putting the large bags every 15 feet or so and lighting them. I remember Colettie hunched over, trying to light the small candles with four small children running around.

I don’t know why but it seems that my Christmases from childhood are all very distinct, with each having their own memory, while my Christmases now kind of run together into each other. If you asked me what I got for Christmas three years ago, I wouldn’t know, but I got a big wheel at 3, a 2-wheeler at 6, a guitar when I was 7 or 8, we got new ornaments the year Charlie was born, we had no money when I was 12, and when I was 13, Liz found the perfect tree.

Christmas is coming. I might be ready.

a subject

I have been slacking lately. I’m sorry.

Not much is new except i am now graduated and smart, i guess. Fat lot of good that does since i’m working at target! Speaking of target, i had my orientation session yesterday, and that was, um, interesting. I am so not looking forward to working there. Well, i like the discount, except you can’t use a regular check-card to get the discount! That is the dumbest policy ever, IMO.

So, i start on the 28th. That gives me the day after christmas plus a day to reverse my sleep schedule. My last day here at this job is tomorrow, and they’re taking me out to lunch 🙂 which will be fun.

Sunday i think i’m heading over to new london for xmas. My sibs will all be there, so that’ll be nice. Nate has to work on xmas eve day til 6:30 he thinks, which is uber dumb. Hopefully he won’t pull a typical nate and not show up.

I’ve been kind of bored lately. Since i finished my huge paper (which i got a 95 on, btw! I was impressed cuz i thought that thing made no sense), i have been feeling like i have nothing to do.

Anyway, over my lunch i’m going to go buy my present from nate, which is practical and the only way he would agree to get me something for xmas. Isn’t that dumb? Who cares if we have no money. I WANT A PRESENT. End of story.

The end.

Ps – i’ll try to write something christmassy later on. I have to think of something.

weird

i got an email today from a classmate from gradeschool! last time i saw her i went to her wedding in 2002 (i think) and the time i saw her before that was in 1994 (?). Nicki Bibus (now Christianson). SO WEIRD. she googled my name and went to my website. her hubby makes violins for a living, which i think is so cool! anyway, that’s my random post of the day.

EX-mas

i have not been in a very chirstmassy mood lately. i think it may be attributed to the cruddy time i’m having finding a job. i have been in a constant state of anxiety for about two weeks now, and it’s not fun! there is this knot in my stomach that refuses to go away. i wish i could be excited for graduation, but this rejection is just eating at my excitement i had at the beginning of the semester.

anyway, i think it also has to do with the lack of snow. and the smallness of my living arrangements that allows for no xmas tree. and all my decorations are in storage. so i have some tinsel on my entertainment center along wtih two snowglobes, which i took OUT of storage so they didn’t freeze and explode. is it just me or has it been rather snow-less lately during winter? it’s so annoying that i have to put up with cold, and there’s not even any snow for xmas. what a bum deal.

i have some ornaments that had been hiding in new london for the last five years or so that i got from erin. they are vintage, real vintage, ornaments and they’re kind cool. so i might string them up on a piece of ribbon and hang them on the weird wroughtiron fence thing i have in my living room (don’t ask).

i really wish i could put up a tree. liz has a tree! i have never had my own tree and it kind of depresses me. i heart the xmas tree! next year i HAVE to have a tree, or else i will be sad.

so, maybe next week i will be more xmas-y. once i have my target job nailed down and i’m done with my current job. i’ll watch rudolph and charlie brown and drink hot chocolate while eating the millions of cookies on my kitchen table.

…..

i haven’t heard yet on the SD job, but it’s wednesday, and it’s kind of apparent that they would’ve gotten ahold of me sooner.

it’s getting to be not a matter of “oh the right one just hasn’t come along” but a matter of “what is wrong with ME?” having been to 15 interviews in a year, not to mention the at least 200 resumes i’ve sent, and getting rejected for each and every one of them is really wearing on my self esteem and worth. obviously i am not good enough somehow and that hurts and it is discouraging and tiring. it makes me not want to look for work at all and give up.

i’m so tired of this.

{sorry my posts lately have been so depressing.}

jobbie job job

this job in pierre i interviewed for, i haven’t felt this good about a possible job since the newsleaders. of all the jobs i’ve interviewed for this year, it is the most promising, work-wise, people-wise, city-wise. the people are nice, newsleader-ish, the job itself is completely graphic design, which is the easiest thing for me to walk into, and i’ve always liked south dakota, and i’d only be 160 miles from the black hills 😀

so, i am supposed to hear early this week. if i don’t get this job, i will probably be the most depressed i’ve been since i lost my job (well, not really the losing it part, that job in itself made me depressed). the interview went well, as far as i could tell, and we’ll see what happens.

if i don’t get it, walmart here i come. poo. as soon as i hear, i will post results.