kinda sad

kinda sad

I walked on campus today for my last week of work and it was empty. I felt kinda lonely. That, and I realized I probably wouldn’t be back here except for job interviews. Lonely. I also felt that way when I went to St. Ben’s to grab some books for my giant paper this semester. So much has changed on that campus, but it is still a place where I spent four years of my life.
Christmas is approaching, all too quickly for my tastes. There’s still no snow on the ground, and how can you have Christmas without snow? It’s supposed to snow tonight, but the temps are above freezing for the next few days, so if it does. I’m not sure it will stay. Still, it will be nice to see a white coat of fluffy cold for at least a little bit.
I only remember one Christmas without snow when I was little, and it was rare that there would be a Thanksgiving without snow; we would always go snowmobiling after Thanksgiving dinner.
Christmas Eve was the night my parents put on a Christmas get-together for family, so one year Colettie decided we should do luminaries to line our long driveway. We continued doing it until my family moved. Every year my aunt Colettie and my siblings and I would spend diligent hours drawing and coloring brown grocery bags with Christmas scenes; there was always a candle, a candy cane, a tree, a stocking, and I’m sure much more.
The Christmas without snow we trudged out to the driveway with our bags, sand, candles and lighting instrument. No snow also meant it was the easiest year to put up the luminaries, so there was that advantage. We started at the bottom near our faux fence and worked our way up, putting the large bags every 15 feet or so and lighting them. I remember Colettie hunched over, trying to light the small candles with four small children running around.
I don’t know why but it seems that my Christmases from childhood are all very distinct, with each having their own memory, while my Christmases now kind of run together into each other. If you asked me what I got for Christmas three years ago, I wouldn’t know, but I got a big wheel at 3, a 2-wheeler at 6, a guitar when I was 7 or 8, we got new ornaments the year Charlie was born, we had no money when I was 12, and when I was 13, Liz found the perfect tree.
Christmas is coming. I might be ready.

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