expectations

i never fail to feel like a disappointment to my parents. even though they raised their children to be open minded, perpetually curious, and self sufficient, they are seemingly surprised when these traits actually take hold in their children. 

i know some people go to christmas church just because it’s the thing that they do, even if they don’t necessarily want to go to church. i feel like it’s a farce if i go to church on christmas; i haven’t gone any other time of the year, and i’ve never been a fan of church anyway. i enjoyed going in new london, but now it’s just st. charles, and i have no emotional ties. so why go? carols alone do not compel.

however, when i ask about church expectations, i get a mixed response all over the emotional scale. if i got a simple, non-sarcastic or angry “your relationship with a higher being is your business. christmas church is your decision,” i would stop concerning myself with church at christmas. as it is, simplicity is not in the cards.

so i’m not going to go to church. whatever backlash happens will happen. i’m old enough that this should be a non-issue. being a disappointment, however, has no age. 

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