what i will miss

what will you miss when you die?

incidentally, about two years ago i was sitting in my living room and the thought suddenly came to me (and i mean suddenly) that if i died the next day, man i would miss my house. i really like it. there’s a lot more i would miss, but it was such a sudden feeling of losing something.

i will miss the first taste of ice cream. i will miss the popping of green leaves in the springtime. i will miss the smell of lilacs. i will miss the softness of cat fur. i will miss feeling the scratch of a new, nice pen against the scratch of thick paper. i will miss the pop of bright tulips against constant green. i will miss the feeling of sun on my shoulders. i will miss  moving into a different world when picking up a book. i will miss the rush of cool air and unrestriction when pulling off socks after a long day. i will miss the nubbly insides of wool socks when pulling them over my toes. i will miss how sheets feel when i crawl in after shaving my legs. i will miss frogs croaking in the ditches as i drive past with windows rolled down on spring and summer evenings. i will miss how green everything is after a good, soaking rain. i will miss hot baths. i will miss the air rushing through my hair while on a boat cruising around a lake. i will miss picking out presents for others. i will miss christmas trees. i will miss the feeling of letting my hair down after a long day in a ponytail and scratching my scalp. i will miss havarti cheese. i will miss flip flops. i will miss mini donuts. i will miss the first snowfall of wintertime. i will miss crunching autumn leaves and inhaling the scent. i will miss the brilliant yellow of birch trees in october. i will miss remembering college. i will miss  that day in march when it’s 60 degrees out and the sun is shining. i will miss getting packages in the mail. i will miss classical music. i will miss the eeriness surrounding halloween. i will miss hot cocoa.

i will miss the people who mean the most to me. without them, all the things above are meaningless. i will miss being me.

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