and i'm just sitting here

last night i was perusing fb while waiting for a drink at the casino buffet when i saw the announcement that branden’s wife was pregnant. it was like i was hit with a ton of bricks.

i don’t know why this is affecting me so weirdly. megan’s had a kid, angie’s had a kid, liz is about to pop, even seeing that ben had a kid did not affect me so hard as finding out that branden is going to be in charge of a little person.

is it because he’s always going to be that one person frozen in my head as a mainstay of my college years? and why i am SO attached to that time of my life? is there nothing recently or currently that can compare to the awesomeness that was my late teens and early 20s? i don’t get it.

and part of me at this point is like, ok, BRANDEN is having a kid. what am i doing with my life? time to stop dicking around and time to start doing something worthwhile? but what’s worthwhile? just thinking about having a kid wears me out. besides, we all know popping out offspring isn’t the end all be all of our worth.

it’s just a really odd sensation. i’m kind of freaked out.

5 thoughts on “and i'm just sitting here

  1. Megan

    Did you expect Branden to reproduce? maybe you thought he would be with you on not having kiddos. It’ll be ok, you are still able to change your mind if that is what you want.

  2. chuck

    I think that you me and Jane need to have a pow wow to get this fantasized view of our college years in check. I really think that I’ll never be as happy as I was in college ever again.

    “But what is worthwhile” – the million dollar question. See: existentialism

    1. i don’t know if i was necessarily “happier” in college, but i sure had a heck of a lot more fun in college and directly after. i’m probably happier and more satisfied now due to stability, but i don’t get out much.

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