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Month: April 2021

in which i feel sorry for my work self for a bit

in which i feel sorry for my work self for a bit

my officemate took another job after being at the college for a little over four years. i’m actually surprised he worked here for this long – he lives in the cities and it’s a long commute. plus, he has a one year old, and, as i told my old boss, it was just a matter of time. i had given him a year after his kid was born, and he surprised me with a year and four months.

it still really sucks.

when you’re a department of two, a loss of one person lays groundwork for some lonely days ahead. six months after i first started this job, my then coworker quit for another job. i had only been there for six months and didn’t know anyone well; it takes me a long time to get into a groove at a workplace, normally around three years. on top of that, i was in a remote location on campus and didn’t see much of anyone.

i remember sitting in my office one day, just doing the work i could manage to do, and i felt this overwhelming sadness. had i made the right decision leaving my other job for this one? would i ever find any work friends? what was i doing here anyway? i didn’t even know that coworker for that long, but he was at least there, and i collaborated with him on a daily basis, so i wasn’t lonely.

tonight, after a week and a half of knowing my current officemate would be leaving, i was slammed with that sense of sadness, melancholy, and loneliness again. i know that it won’t be the same this time; i’ve been here for five years, know people well, count many as friends. i’m not isolated – i share a cube wall with an IT guy and we have a wonderful time during the workday. but it’s still hard to see someone you’ve talked to on a 5-daily basis for four years, who i spend more time with than my husband (the perils of working opposite shifts). he’s one of the most complementary workmates i’ve had, skillswise, and I don’t know if finding a replacement will be easy.

my hope is that we move on hiring someone as soon as possible. i haven’t even heard the confirmation that we will replace him, and that kind of scares me. i’m being overly cynical and pessimistic about what’s going to happen in my tiny department, but i at least know that there will be support in my other coworkers.

i wish him the best, but dang this really blows.

sounds of spring

sounds of spring

tonight i went for a walk instead of a run. it was close to 80ยบ and i needed a day to stretch out my legs with a walk. i started off listening to a podcast, but when i turned off the county road near my house and onto one of those little side country roads, i turned it off and took out my earbuds.

you see, there is a little bit of a marshland right on that road, and the frogs were out in force tonight.

one of my favorite things about spring is the sound of frogs croaking delightfully in the evening. there is a low rumble of frog croaking, with highlights of croaks that almost sound like crickets. as i walked past, the croaks paused for a moment, then started up again after i’d left the near vicinity.

compared to the silence of winter, enveloping and complete, the sounds of spring is pure cacophony. on top of the frogs, birdsong flitted through the air, the light, high-pitched tunes of songbirds. occasionally, i heard the dinosaur-like call of cranes, sounding like something otherworldly. then in the background of wildlife, the low hum of the freeway whined on, with breakout motorcycle engines revving.

i walked the rest of the way home listening to the sounds around me. it’s a weird time of year; there is no green, so it looks like november, but the light is long in the day and the air is wet and getting warmer. the hope of spring like the frogs: loud and nonstop.

now i’m in my living room with my windows open, surrounded by frogs croaking and a weird owl making a racket.


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